Living with anxiety in lockdown

Another 3 weeks to go... just when you think the end is in sight. Lockdown with a 16 month old has been an experience, I completely get where other mums are coming from, it’s not the same as being alone, but at the same time I’m extremely grateful I’m not alone, Oscar has provided lots of hugs, lots of laughter and if anything helped the days pass a lot quicker! But it hasn’t been easy.. It’s easy to forget you’re not the only person in the world this is affecting, and it sounds entirely selfish when you think about people suffering and others working their arses off on the front line. For any one suffering with mental health, it’s like being locked in with the worst part of yourself, usually the part that you ignore while you’re out and about, working chatting, you can’t hear those voices in your everyday, because you drown them out, when what occupies most of your day is taken away, it’s just you and that little toxic voice in your head, sounds awful to say but sometimes not even the voices of your loved ones can drown that voice out, it’s way too loud. People that haven’t even suffered with anxiety are suffering, but it’s hard to recognise at first. I remember my first panic attack, i thought I was dying, sounds very dramatic but when you’ve had them you know the feeling. For me I go into a downward spiral, sometimes I can do something very ordinary and mundane, like making a sandwich, cleaning the loo, then I think.. “I won’t be doing this soon I’ll be back to work” and that’s that, I’ve lost my thoughts into something negative, it’s scary to ever think of your life going back to normal, I felt like this on maternity leave..When you’re socially anxious, being forced to stay home is feeding that little voice in my head. Once we get back to normal, what ever that normal will be, it will ease again, with the overwhelming anxiety, and the mum guilt, if my brain isn’t throbbing with guilt it’s my heard pounding with anxiety, and it’s a feeling I can’t wait to shift, it will never go, but a distraction would be completely welcomed. Everything will be ok, you need to remind yourself, if you kept your child alive and you kept breathing, that’s an accomplishment in itself, we’ve got this.

When I became a mum I lost myself

Oscar is 16 months old, he’s the funniest boy you ever did meet, he’s clumsy and dramatic like me, but just like his dad in so many ways too. Before I had Oscar suffered with anxiety, just feeling of being overwhelmed sometimes and mainly with driving. I had a car accident when I first passed my test and I never realised how much it affected me until I got a job about 45 minutes away, i had to drive down a lot of country roads to get there and usually that anxiety was the one i dealt with day in and day out, but It was never social, I was happy to go out with my friends, meals and drinks after work, out most weekends. I suffered with my relationship with food probably from when I was around 16, I was always the smallest in my friendship group at school as shallow as it sounds, I then went to college and met 2 girls who were about 4 ft 10, I was 5ft 4 so I was always going to be bigger, but this kickstarted an unhealthy relationship with my body and food. When I was almost 25 I decided to workout, I had no idea that this would change my outlook on food completely. I used to barely eat, but when I did I would binge and feel guilty all day, but my workouts made me feel hungrier and I craved different foods, I felt better and looked better than I felt I ever had. The following April, probably about a year after my lifestyle change, I fell pregnant with Oscar. All I wanted was to have a baby, id wanted it for years and years, I always worried I wouldn’t be able to have one with how I had treated my body for the last 10 years, but as soon as I fell pregnant, I spent the last 9 months feeling incredibly guilty, I instantly felt scared that my body was changing. My relationship with food went back to how it was before, I just felt infuriated with myself that I’d gone back to how I was before. I probably didn’t eat enough. And I spent 9 months wondering how I would get my body back and laying awake at night crying thinking I would never be slim again, I wish I just enjoyed it more, I told my midwife this at my 9 week appointment, and she never addressed it, I mentioned it at every appointment there on and it was never spoken about and i was never offered any help. When I actually had Oscar my tummy went flatter quicker than I thought it ever would and I actually surprised myself that for about 2 weeks I actually didn’t stress about it, I was too tired to. Then after we adjusted I was working out again, I was stressing and I needed too, I shouldn’t of, but after Christmas was over friends came to visit and even though I knew they wouldn’t care, I felt like I had to look slim, and then it began again. I became the most anxious I have ever been in my life. But this time socially. My house became my bubble and I only really ever stayed in my area in which I live. I would panic Oscar would cry and people would think I couldn’t control him, this anxiety caused me to lose a lot of weight, so much so I was the smallest I had ever been, this would of made me happy you would think? Wrong! When I became pregnant I started to get grey hair, when I lost weight I lost my curves and nothing fitted like how it used to, i wasn’t eating well I was eating what I wanted my skin didn’t look nice I felt old, I felt awful in myself, everything I wanted I had but i have never felt so low and awful in my life, I got help and went on anti depressants. I wouldn’t say I have ever got better from this, but I’ve learnt to deal with it. The one thing I miss is the confidence I had, I never feel like I look pretty, I’ve forgotten how to look after myself, and how to take pictures of myself. I rarely do that anymore! And when I do I pick them apart. I never feel like I look nice and it’s my mission this year to finally love myself and look after myself inside and out.

The Ordinary.

As a beauty therapist myself and having worked with many skincare brands over the years I’ve come to realise what I like from skincare and all about the ingredients that work, especially the ingredients your skin needs throughout your life and also in different seasons. Being a mum and a homeowner I unfortunately don’t have the finances to splash out on products I’m not 100% sure work for me, until I found The Ordinary. Not only is The Ordinary such a high quality brand with packaging that looks great in your bathroom, the price tag is one that cant be matched, I’m almost 28 and realising my skin is need of more acid based skin care, this costs so much elsewhere and also is a risk to spend so much money not sure if it will work for you. Every product I’ve used is that of such high standard, my skin has completely changed, now knowing what works for me I can adapt my skincare, my skin is super sensitive and reacts very easy, but everything I’ve tried has worked absolute wonders for my skin and my overall confidence to go makeup free. Vitamin c suspension- this product has helped to fade my scaring from previous spots, given me an overall softer and smoother texture to my face while also brightening my skin, allowing me to feel so much more confident makeup free. The product comes out fast so be careful! You can apply am and pm Mixed with a moisturiser, it can feel slightly tingly and also gritty! This is normal so don’t be alarmed. Semi squalane oil- actually something I hadn’t really heard of, my skin can become very dehydrated and also I suffer with eczema too, so I wanted something really nourishing, I was worried the oil would be way too oily to apply under makeup with moisturiser but I would say it is more of a dry oil and gives such a lovely glowy dewy look, leaving skin looking healthy and hydrated. Also you can apply this to your hair and it makes it feel so lovely and soft! Lastly is my trusted hyaluronic acid- I can’t live without this stuff. It hydrates and holds the water in your skin leaving it plump, hydrated and youthful, it reduces pore size, everyone needs this! Pair with a moisturiser and it’s game changing

Lockdown anxiety

Are you feeling just as eager for life to return to normal, as you are anxious for it to? Same here. I spent the first 2 weeks of lockdown eager to get back to my normal life, I had just started a new job and it was just such a confusing obstacle to come across, not just to my life, but to everyone’s, as awful as it sounds, I had 3 days a week being a beauty therapist, something I had trained to be, something I knew I was good at, and also time to be me, just Yaz, not mum. And also time for my child to mix with other children and for his mind to be stimulated in ways I just can’t provide while doing the housework, the food shop, the general mundane things, I would get all these things done before I headed to work and he had already been picked up and on his way to nursery, so anytime spent at home was quality time, also my boyfriend who works full time, we’re all a slightly different version of ourselves when we aren’t at home, and we feel like we’re doing something we’re good at. All of a sudden we’re all at home, all together, I have no outlet no place to Escape, my 16 month old is wondering why he’s stuck with us and he’s bored, aren’t we all mate. I’m having to keep him entertained whilst keeping him away from his dad who’s trying to take work calls, I’m desperate to see my mum and potentially leave my child there for the night, don’t pretend you haven’t felt that too! It’s ok it’s normal. The first 2 weeks were spent willing for our normal lives, then that last week of the First lockdown, as much as I could do with getting out, my mind changed, I was waiting for the announcement on that Thursday, watching the clock for 5 pm, almost praying we would be put in lockdown for longer, my anxiety hit an all time high, Im almost scared to leave and go back to normal. I look back at the times of me, sitting in the cinema, going to town on a Saturday when people are so close you’re basically swallowing their air, and it makes me feel tight in my chest if ever doing that again, how can we? We’re a week and a half into the next 3 weeks of lockdown, Boris has just done a speech to say we’re in this for longer and is it wrong to feel a relief? I feel guilty for feeling like this, people are dying it’s horrific, but I feel like it will never be safe to go out. My anxiety feeds off this, it’s my anxiety’s dream to stay at home and not leave, this is why I’ve been working hard on for years, kicking the thoughts to one side and getting out of the house regardless, sometimes it’s successful, sometimes it’s not, but I try, this time I can’t try, I’m not allowed, but I force myself out for an hour a day. We will get out of this we will find a new normal, we must Talk.

Isolation to do list ideas

Hi guys, hope you’re all ok, bit of a boring one today but something I thought you all might get a few ideas from. I wrote a list of jobs of things I never get time to do so I thought I would give myself 1 job off of my list a day. If you’re anything like me and you struggle with the guilt of not working or spending every day at home try and write list of goals/jobs you would like to get done while you’re spending so much time at home, if you don’t get things done on the list don’t beat yourself up, we’ve all got plenty of time to complete it! Also if you’re feeling super anxious, I completely feel your pain, I’ve never been shy about sharing my anxious thoughts with you all and now is no different, what I keep telling myself is every one is in the same boat, it comforts me slightly, I’ve also been looking on my Instagram for fellow Instagrammers and bloggers also feeling the strain, and shouting them out, I feel like making an effort for that one act of kindness and seeing how happy it makes others lifts me too. So on to the list, some of these things I’ve already done, but the list is ever growing being at home so much I’m seeing things I wouldn’t usually see that need doing. - clean my car inside and out, having a child means your car is an absolute mess! - cleaning and organising the kitchen cupboards, this is also a great excuse to have a look at what food you have, I haven’t thrown one piece of food away, I’ve put all my fresh food in to containers and any food about to go off I’ve either grilled or made into soup! - Wipe down skirting boards, doors and radiators with diluted zoflora, my favourite is lemon zest as it smells so fresh, with everything going on it’s so important to disinfect the places we usually forget about! - Sorting out the garden, cutting the grass and de weeding, we never usually have time for this, but I made it my priority whilst Oscar napped over 2 days so we could use it as a place to get out and explore. Oscars really outdoorsy so it’s important we get outside! - Blogging, instagramming and YouTube, doing lots of this makes me feel like I’m working and contributing as silly as that sounds! It’s also feels nice to connect with other people in the same boat. Social media can be a kind place. - Random act of kindness, when you’re feeling low, do something kind, seeing them happy makes you happy too!

Provoke a touch of brunette review

. So I’ve been noticing the odd grey hair poking through more and more often, I’m 28 this year and for my family that’s around the average age to start going grey. I noticed a few when I was first pregnant when I was about 28, around the middle of my head all the way around (where you would sort of put you hair half up half down), and I never wore it in this hair style because I was conscious and also sprouting out the top of my head! There’s nothing wrong with grey hair, some people love it and rock it, but personally I don’t like the look in my own hair. I think the hormones kick started my greys early, I pull them out occasionally but I’ve noticed there’s a few more, not loads but I notice them! And I can’t keep pulling them out I’ll have no hair left. I’ve never dyed my hair before , long story, but because of this I was really worried about starting to dye it as I don’t think the grey is severe yet, as it’s just the odd strand so I decided to leave it but I thought dying it was my only option. I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across provoke hair care grey blending shampoo, it blends and covers the first signs of grey, I’d noticed it in shops but the touch of blonde or grey Version, I’ve never seen anything like this for brown hair before. I did some research and I saw it in boots and it was 4.99 each but I read the reviews and they looked really good, but some reviews said best results happen after 2-3 uses and to use the shampoo and conditioner. I went into boots after work, and they were on offer, for both the shampoo and conditioner it came to 4.60 together, I was worried about using it as I have bad eczema behind my ears and I didn’t want to irritate it but I was so eager to try. I read the reviews and they said to use gloves as It sometimes stains your nails. I forgot to get any so I risked it without, I did notice that it is slightly stained round the cuticle but more on my skin than the nail, and my nails are nude so I was impressed, it didn’t stain the bath at all it wiped off perfectly, it has stained my scalp slightly but i don’t mind it it’s made my hair thicker looking. I wet my hair but rang the majority of the water out, applied the shampoo for 3 minutes, rinsed until the water ran clear, applied conditioner to the mid lengths and left for 3 minutes again and rinsed. It didn’t irritate my eczema at all, it’s made my hair super soft and shiny, I had a really good look through my hair and got my boyfriend to Aswel and we found not one grey hair, so I was super impressed, also I was super relieved my hair colour didn’t change it just made the colour look richer and left my natural highlights. I’ll probably use as and when for now and when the grey comes through more I’ll use once a week, but I’m so impressed, but if you’re looking for a hair colour change it won’t do that but if you like your colour as is it’s perfect.

My compulsive nail picking

About a year or so ago I put two and two together and realised when my anxiety hit its peak, a haze would come over me and I would compulsively pick at my nails. When it was over I would look down and my nails would be so sore and bleeding, mum realised this and she started to ask me if I was ok and I would say yes, she would nod at my nails and that was all she had to do. It happens a few time and I just knew it had to stop. I’m a beauty therapist and having these horrible looking nails was embarrassing for me. I’ve now started to make a conscious effort to realise i don’t want to live like this and it’s not something I want oscar to see me doing. The other day I actually soaked off my gels, which to me is amazing improvement , usually they’re long gone and picked off before that can happens. It’s now been two weeks since the last time, I’m so excited to update you all, I’ve been starting to take calms and they take the edge off.

Why I don't make resolutions

Happy new year guys! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and new year, we never do much for new year just pjs and takeaway, I feel like I used to try my absolute hardest to make new year great and it was always a let down. Now I’m true to myself and begin as I mean to go on, no bra, mum bun and pjs on. I know a few people make resolutions I personally don’t, it’s up to you what you do and what works for you, but personally I like to have goals, I always believe that if you cut something out instantly it just wont work, you need to wean yourself off or on to things to make full lifestyle changes. 2019 I feel like I really make a change with how I feel about food. I felt like having a baby and my body going back to how it was before made me feel as if one bit of chocolate or cake every so often won’t make me gain 20 stone instantly, don’t get me wrong food will always be a problem, my food and weight is something I can control when some things I just can’t. But I really found a balance in 2019 and I enjoyed foods I would always ban myself from having. This year I have some goals... I’m going to be consistent with my blogging, and instagram posts, I’ve come a long way from previous years and everytime I’ve said that’s it I’m going to try, there’s always been a little niggle that I won’t do it, now there isn’t. I’m going to manifest more, I know what I want to gain and what I want to achieve, I have to start believing this will happen, and I am. My goal is to continue with my fitness and walking it helps me stay healthy physically and mentally, I can manage exactly how I am. To be more present, who Cares if I have to be up early the next day for work, that isn’t an excuse to not go out anymore, I can always catch up on sleep. Me and Alex work our bums off , we don’t earn lots of money but we don’t spend lots of money on ourselves, I don’t want to go absolutely crazy but we need to treat ourselves once to twice a month on a date night. My mental health, as written in my last post our family was abit shaken by something in the later part of the year it’s woken me up to realise life’s too short I will still have anxiety and moments but I need to deal with those head on and not let it stop me enjoying my loved ones. Through 2019 with my mental health I’ve taken To cleaning in a massive way, but it’s stopping me from doing things I’m going to bed late so I can clean I’m not going out because I need to clean, but Alex said to me yaz the house is clean waiting an extra day or week will not make it much more dirty, and it’s true it will all still be there.

2019- my achievements and setbacks

So in 2019 I experienced a full year of being a mum. I never realised how much I needed my sleep until that point! I would say this year I’ve used being a mum as an excuse for a lot, my anxiety hit an all time high, it was the worst it’s ever been, it stopped me doing so much in this year, but i probably could of done so much more than what I did in hindsight. It was the best year in respect of watching Oscar grow, I was involved in my best friends wedding, we went on a lovely holiday, had some lovely days out, but I hate to say that the whole of my maternity leave was shadowed With worry about going back to work, I felt like I constantly had to compensate for not being at work but taking so much on, committing to seeing people all the time, cleaning my house on certain days and keeping it to a point that just isn’t possible when going back to work, but i never did that much before so why should I make myself do it now. I was so anxious that my clients at work wouldn’t want me back and that I just wasn’t very good at my job, but when I got back to work apart from the frost month or so that was a complete juggling act, it all slotted into place, 90% of my clients came back to me and it made me feel more confident. In 2019 there was so much I was asked to do that I turned down before even trying because I knew it would make me too anxious. I reflected on this and realised that this year was the worst I’ve been with my anxiety because I let it. Don’t get me wrong in the past it’s stopped me from doing things that I’d get to the door to leave and it would stop me in my tracks, but this year I didn’t even try. I let tiredness and work get in the way of my friendships and relationship. I was too worried about the hours of sleep I was getting or if I would be home so I can hoover and clean because the thought of dirt and mess fuelled my anxiety, but I would stay home clean and realise that everything I was cleaning was already clean. I was missing out on memories. In the later part of 2019 unfortunately our family got some very upsetting news. That shocked us all to the core. The end of this isn’t just yet unfortunately, and it’s a long road ahead, but it’s inspired me and I think at the moment given my anxiety a kick up the arse, it probably will stop me in my tracks a few times in 2020 but I’ve realised now life is so bloody short, this year I’m going to strive to spend a lot more time with my friends and family and make the best memories I possibly can, and work so bloody hard, I can’t wait

There is no video clip yet

Monday the 28th of October

Oscar woke up at 5.30 which I know should of been 6.30 because of the clocks, I went and put his dummy in, he wasn’t distressed he was just shouting dada, I thought if he goes back to sleep fine if not I will go back and get him. But if he doesn’t sleep as long as usual he can be so grumpy! My child needs his sleep! He woke up at 7.50 and Alex brought him downstairs as I was having a coffee and Alex was up there. I got ready as usual but Oscar was so clingy and clearly tired, mum picked us up and went to town, he slept in the car and about an hour of us being in town. He woke up crying I couldn’t find his dummy anywhere. I took him outside and calmed him. But he’s so heavy I couldn’t hold him for long. I put him in the pram and again unsettled, he cried almost the whole time, he’s such a happy soul and it was so unlike him, I clearly got worried and worked up, I managed to settle him for a bit, we went and bought some dummy’s but he only can keep the cherry ones in his mouth, and there seems to be a shortage in Ipswich! Our last stop was new look, we were helping my Nan Christmas shop as she’s been very poorly, Oscar became unsettled again, forgetful mum moment again.. I forgot the calpol , we went to buy some and he screamed, really screamed, throwing his head back as if he was in pain, the amount of stares I got from people, some sympathetic, others were looks of can you please shut your child up. My anxious mind focussed more on these people than Oscar, which unfortunately was beyond my control I just couldn’t help but see them stare. It’s as if people forget they were once babies themselves. This was a lesson, the next time I will pack 2 dummies and double check ive got calpol. And I will say to these people, “are you ok” genuinely, because they clearly can’t be if they find a baby crying a problem, and I will smile back to the lady who gives me a smile instead of turning away with tears in my eyes. 

My career goals and aspirations

I’ve been really slacking on the blogging situation lately, I’ve really sat and addressed my goals and what I would like to achieve, especially blogging and career wise, I’ve noticed that I’ve really life get on top of me and it’s really put what I enjoy doing at a standstill. When you take time off you start to asses that maybe you just aren’t that great and you should stop, which is totally the wrong mind set, I’m really into Lydia millen at the moment, I have been for years but sometimes I trail off then become totally obsessed again, and at the moment I’ve reignited my love for her! The other day she said she loves to blog, that she might not be the best in the world at writing, but she loves it and her blogs are so good! It doesn’t matter if you’re the most literate person in the world as long as what you’re writing about resonates with people and it’s what you want to write about. It really sparked the fire in me again to just keep going , I can have what I want if I work hard for it. But I think we can all agree that sometimes working so hard for so long at something and not reaping the benefits for a long time can sometimes be disheartening. I love blogging, maybe not so much the social media side that comes with it and the influencing, but I would love to work on that side of things for maybe a company , but I know these things pretty much go hand in hand nowadays. My goals are to make blogging a career, because I love it so much to be able to do it and have more time to do it would be great, possibly write articles for magazines ect. As much as I try with my instagram grid I’ll never be one to take a million pictures an edit them so they match my grid theme, I do not have the attention span! I would love some advice and some pushing in the right direction, it’s a very competitive market and I find not a lot of people want to help, if you reach out to them I feel like they just think you want to be mentioned on their stories to gain followers which is not the case for me. I want genuine help on how to get my blogs read and make writing my career, if anyone has any insight please say! I just can’t seem to find my break at the moment. I have a diploma in media studies and I really want to begin to use this skill that I have . I’m exiting to see where this will take me after lots of manifesting. Even though I would like to take a career change I would love to stay more beauty related

Our wren kitchen experience

So I’m going to be completely honest and transparent in this blog post. And before I go on I just want to state that maybe we should of read the reviews of wren kitchens on google before we began but we completely understand that everyone tolerates different things and find different things an issue, but reading them since we have discovered that a lot of the issues people have stated on line we experienced the exact same. Before we went with wren we went to b&q, wickes and a couple of other places to get quotes, we have saved money to put down as a deposit but we also needed something we could do as a payment plan and pay monthly. Wren were 4 thousand pounds cheaper than wickes and still a little bit cheaper than other places. We looked at the kitchen in the showroom and they were very high quality compared to the many others we had seen. We weren’t totally impressed with the salesman but we just took him as cliche salesman. Before we sat down to design the kitchen we had someone come out and measure the kitchen. Asked us what we were keeping ect. We then went into the showroom and designed the kitchen, the salesman came up with some ideas we hadn’t thought of which we liked the idea of, but we had some specifics, we had been bought a double oven as a moving in gift, the salesman suggested putting the oven in a tower, so we told him ok but our oven must fit, he had all the measurements in front of him and assured us it would. He also suggested for an extra price we get the cabinets ready made to make installation easier and it also worked out about the same as it cut down installation costs and would be complete within a week. The kitchen got delivered on the Monday, little did we realise until the boxes were starting to be moved the the men who delivered them had completely damaged our walls in the living room. The Tuesday work was meant to start, we had an email saying 8.30 am, I rushed to get myself and Oscar ready for the workmen to arrive, it got to 9am, then 10 am then 10.30 and I just thought this is not going to happen today, I called the manager of the kitchen fitting company to ask if they were possibly running late, the response I got was, “I told someone to tell you we couldn’t make it today, obviously they didn’t call”, the Wednesday they arrived and work began, a lot seemed to be done in the first day as the cupboards were already built, they put in the tower for our oven as the last thing they did that day, they then told us they wouldn’t be coming until 10.30 the next day due to a doctors appointment but they told us they would need to move the stop cock the next day so we could have a dishwasher fitted, a job we already knew needed to be done and we were told it would cost a maximum of a £60 extra charge which we agreed to. The Thursday he turned up at 11.30, did the work he needed to and left around 3. On the Tuesday we asked when they thought the work should be finished, we were told the following Monday, but however on the Friday there seemed to be 2 workmen and I went out for the day to allow them to get on, when I got home apart from a lot of mess such as food wrappers and banana skins and red bull cans not a lot seemed to of been done and I was unsure how they could finish it on the Monday. The Monday arrived and my grandad was going to tile on the Tuesday, I went out and did shopping ect while they worked, I arrived home and yet again not a lot looked different, the work tops were fitting apart from one section that apparently was very damaged they couldn’t fit it , but they called wren for us and they told them it wouldn’t be with us for 2 weeks, we called wren to tell them this simply was not good enough so arranged to get it delivered on the Friday, the fitters told us they would come the Friday afternoon to fit it also. They told us Also they would need to come back on the Tuesday as they were behind, and that when my grandad tiles as there was a piece of worktop missing not to seal it with mastic as they do that anyway, when they left we noticed lots it marks and scuffs on quite a few doors, we told wren this and they arranged for more to be sent with no quibble. The Friday came and they fitted the worktop but did not seal it. The Monday after we had doors arrive in the morning for them to come and put in on the Tuesday. Once again I waited in for no one to turn up. The Wednesday someone came 1 hour late, I asked him if he could seal the worktops he said he would speak to his boss. I said I had been told that would be done for us. His boss said yes this could be done but for £30 cash in hand, we couldn’t afford this due to a bill we received the week before for the stop cock that would of cost a max of £60, we were charged £240 for this with two days to pay, I complained and they put it to £200 for us for loss of time. After the experience was over I contacted wren to say how stressful this was and asked for compensation for how much we had to pay out for the hidden costs and so we could have some money back to buy the mastic and do it ourselves, they were very good at dealing with us but what we noticed is they took absolutely no blame for what was done with the fitters and said it was nothing to do with them, we explained that without them recommending them to us we wouldn’t of done with them as that’s their trusted fitter , they didn’t seem to understand unfortunately, but we did receive some compensation thankfully which we were very grateful for . Overall we love our kitchen, and the standard of it is very high. My one bit of advice would be to go with your own trusted tradesman, the reason we didn’t is because our kitchen is on a pay plan for us to pay monthly and this was the only place we could put the fitting on the pay plan too and didn’t need to pay upfront for it, we did this as we thought this would hold some sort of guarantee for the fitting too but clearly not. In the future (very far future!!) we would pay someone we trusted and knew for the fitting. 

Our myoclonic jerk story

When Oscar was about 2 months old we noticed his leg would jerk and so would his jaw. People would say oh look at you are you cold, or aw look at his leg how cute , we didn’t pay much attention to it we just thought it was a little thing he did. Also around this time we would notice that when he was laying in an open space he would splay out his arms and legs and hold his breath with his eyes wide, kind of like when you’re in bed and you feel like you’re about to fall, he would scream after this as if he was really scared after it happened. This would happen about once a week until one day it happened twice and he was so distressed I decided to swaddle him and put him in his cot and it happened again a further 3 times. So I decided he was so distressed I needed some advice, I called the doctors and asked for advice and they said to come in so I did. I told the doctor and he asked to try and record this he also asked if he had a tremor along side his which make me think back to his leg and jaw and I told the doctor. He referred Oscar straight to paediatrics. Within a week we went to the hospital where they asked lots of questions about his development and I did cry, within 2 days of this they sent us to an EEG scan where me and Alex attended with Oscar, they put lots of wires on his head and attached him to a machine. Within a week after this he was sent for a MRI scan where he went in a big scanner, the only thing I felt about this is he didn’t really nap at the time and they told me it was essential that he slept to get a clear scan. Some how I got him to sleep, and there was a button to press when he got distressed and the scan stopped immediately. This did happen once as it is so loud even though he had ear plugs in but he was amazing. Luckily both scans came back clear as benign myoclonic jerks but I was told they get could of been seizures. But the support we have received has been amazing , follow up calls and appointments. I’m lucky to have never had a bad experience with the hospital and the care and concern they have given Oscar has been amazing. 

He no longer does these jerks anymore they stopped at about 6 months but they became almost constant before they stopped. we are so grateful oscar was ok, but i felt awful that i had overlooked something that could of been so serious. 

How I kept a baby cool in the hottest days of the year

How I kept my baby cool in the heat

As you are all aware of the bloody insane heatwave we experienced last week I thought I would share how I kept Oscar cool throughout the heat, I’m a first time mum so it was all trial and error, as always if anyone is reading this with any tips as to how they also survived please share! Oscar wore a nappy and only a nappy for about 3 days, he’s a winter baby and I honestly think that makes a massive difference on how they cope, my boyfriend was a winter baby and I was a summer baby and he can’t cope and I love it, but even for me the heat was intense! I gave Oscar bottles from the prep machine so they were a nice warm temperature but I did try to prepare these before hand and let them go room temp . He was so hot and irritated that I Tried to keep his activity to a minimum, he was getting irritated picking at food so I gave him things like veg and fruit ect off a spoon. I put fruit in the fridge and mashed them up abit like a sorbet but not! still tried to give him a warm dinner in the evening but not too much, he seemed to have 5 bottles a day in the heat instead of 4, he didn’t nap for as long but he about 4 naps of 20-30 minutes a day. To stop him from being bored I bought him a £3 paddling pool and sat his bath seat in it, the water was tepid and I actually bathed him in it and emptied it at the end of the afternoon. We played indoors in the shade and read books. He was very cuddly but also would push me off because he was so hot, not nice for both of us! I hate sticky skin! I put him in a baby grow for 2 nights as it got cooler in the middle of the night but one night I could barely sleep and he was just In a nappy and the fan not pointed on him completely, I bought him a fan to go on the pram but attached this to the cot at night. He didn’t sleep great, but neither did i. Two nights he was very very hot, and I put him on my bed and he laid starfish with a fan on him. With his feet towards our heads we have a king size so our body heat didn’t affect him. I was told he wasn’t allowed water until he was one, but I boiled some water and let it cool In a tommy tippee cup. About half a cup lasts him a day, he has this with food to help his food go down. I used spf 50 with 5 star uv protection a reapplied throughout the day paying extra attention to his strawberry birthmark as this can ulcerate. But he was kept in the shade at all times.

Back to work mum guilt Times ticking and I’m back to work in about 2 months time, I’m so upset about it but I know this is completely normal! I’m back to work on the 10th of September 3 days a week. I would ideally only like to be away from Oscar for 2 days but we’ve just bought a new kitchen so needs must.

He’ll be with my mum for one day and going to nursery the other where my mum works which is fine but it’s the weekends that really break my heart, I have to work every Saturday unfortunately, I don’t know what it is about weekends but they are just so family orientated that I’ve always had that sense of missing out on Saturdays, especially so now Oscar is around. I know we will both get in to the swing of things very quickly, but I’ve never known 9 months to go so bloody fast.

Instead of feeling down I’ve decided to think of all the things I’ve achieved since I’ve been off and things I’ve done to try and not feel so sad about it.

. I obviously birthed a child

Had a family Christmas

Been to the farm about 3 times

Been to the zoo

Had 3 big family birthday meals

Been on my best friends hen

been maid of honour at my best friends wedding

Signed up to be a mind campaigner

Watched all of the series of friends on Netflix

Watched all episodes of grace and frankie

Been out to numerous lunch dates and play dates

Really focused on my health and fitness

Moved in with my mum and dad for 2 weeks while we got a brand new bathroom

Will have a brand new kitchen very soon

Didn’t hysterically laugh at the absolute idiot salesman in wren kitchen.

Had numerous hospital appointments and scans with Oscar and only cried in one

Spent so much time with my little mate

Found a whole new appreciation for the area that I live in

Spent lots of time with my Nan

Drunk a lot of gin

Have stopped spending so much money on crap

Numerous trips to the beach

Going to Center parcs on Friday

Seeing Ed Sheeran next month for the first time

Spent lots of time with my friends and family

Been involved in 3 weddings

concentrated on my blog and built a following of like  minded mums on instagram 

 

A successful time had by all I do believe.

 

Dear best friend

 

 

Best friends... I have two. I don’t actually like the term best friends, people fight over the title, from what I’ve experienced in the past, the girls will know what and who I’m talking about here. But I don’t actually think it represents what they really are. They are so different, but fill very different but important gaps in my life. Astra I’ve known for almost 7 years, someone recommended me to do her nails, we actually never found out who it was that recommend me to her, but thanks to who ever that little hun is. She had just moved here and didn’t know anyone, poor love she had no choice but to be my friend. Her little boy drake is practically my nephew and Oscar is now hers, I think she’s waited 7 years for me to birth a child so she can spend money on him. But I’ve done the same for drake, fidget spinners and water guns to name but a few. She’s so like me it’s crazy, we think on impulse, and we are so passionate towards things we do, just yesterday she called me when I was about to delete my Instagram and stop blogging because she knew how much it meant to me, and I’ve done the same for her on many occasions. We aren’t diplomatic with eachother we are more like “erm what the hell are you doing” but it’s always a slap in the face and you’re like shit you’re right. We both go quiet when we’re dealing with shit, which isn’t great, but we are always friends, we’re over the top and she’s my go hard or go home, the sister I never had. When she said she was getting married and everyone said it was too soon, I was the bitch make everything bigger and better friend. She’ll always be my ride or die soul sista. We tell eachother the truth and it always starts with no offence but... I’m about to say something offensive. Danielle is a different person completely, she doesn’t like the Kardashian’s so I don’t really understand how we’re still friends if I’m honest. We’re completely blunt with eachother, people often think we’ve fallen out or if I tell someone what I’ve said to Danielle they’ll say Christ Yazz harsh and I’m like well she said this back to me and it’s double as harsh. If I’m about to act on impulse she asks me the question like ok so why? And gives me a therapy session. She doesn’t entertain me. If she isn’t impressed with something I say she just won’t reply to it but it makes me laugh and I do it more. We’ve been friends since school and I always joke and say I just think there’s no way she will go away now. I must say this all sounds abit harsh how we are to eachother but the love and respect we have for eachother is strong but if we are ever nice to eachother were like ergh let’s move on. We are not affectionate in the slightest. I write this because I’ve been negative ive gone through some shit lately and I always like to talk about things, and be really open and honest but I’ve read back through my old blog posts and they’re so dark they just aren’t me, I’m on a new positive journey and I want to bring people with me. If I have a shit day I’ll always say, but we need to start appreciating what we’ve got.

The one millionth blog post that im moaning in 

I know it’s probably pretty normal to feel like shit as a mum sometimes, and I always try my best to be very honest. But it’s just not great running your fingers through your hair and getting a fist full of hair is it? I know it happens, some worse than others, but my Christ does it make you feel horrible, more than I thought it would actually, my boyfriend, Alex, has always hated that my hair gets everywhere, but lately it’s beyond a joke, he moans about it but yesterday it was one of those things that started a big old argument a cry. It was just a trigger for me and shit got out of hand. One little “your bloody hair” and that was it, my hair was so thick throughout pregnancy, and it just feels so brittle and stuck to my head and flat, it just makes me feel awful, my skins going abit all over the place, my hormones are doing all sorts, I’m abit of a Googler, so google told me I was pregnant again, fun fact, I am not! It’s just a hormone thing rebalancing, is everyone is so different, even from the pregnancy to now, your body does the weirdest shit, clever, but weird. You find yourself dropping in to conversation “ yeah my gums have started to bleed” and you receive a death stare like erm no sweet that’s gum disease, turns out it wasn’t but people are too quick to judge, to a person riddled with anxiety your quick judgement can make me lose sleep. So here I am to document some of the weird shit that’s happening to my body and has happened, when I was pregnant to now. Don’t stress, it’s not always beautiful, hardly any of it was beautiful for me, it was weird! - extra saliva. Honestly when I was doing nails looking down and talking I was more than likely dribbling on the table or sucking my spit back in, it’s a hormone thing apparently but people would say how odd I never had that! - Night sweats, I saw lily pebbles wrote about this and I was the same, even now I get it and I was always such a cold blooded person and I would shiver all night, but i honestly have to wash my hair daily sometimes as I sweat so much at night. - I saw part time working mummy put a story about this, swollen vagina, totally can relate, my mother in law said to me, there’s no need for a woman to waddle, there absolutely is hun if your vagina is the size of a honey dew melon. - I’d liked to think I looked exactly the same when I was pregnant but I one hundred percent had a moon face situation happening. - Spd, I can’t remember the exact meaning of it but your pelvis basically shifts, mine was put back to place manually by a physio. It wasn’t fun, I was in my underwear with a woman the other sides son looking under the curtain, I’m unsure wether he is in therapy right now, because the sight was not pretty. - No matter how much I tried, from about 20 weeks I would piss myself, sneeze, cough, laugh, breathe, it’s not fun for anyone involved. - Nipples that resemble udders, my nipples were about 10 meters long and you could probably hang a coat, hat and small child off of them. - My gums would bleed a lot, my dentist told me to be super careful and up on my dental hygiene as I had ever such slight gum disease which could be corrected, this horrified me, shit got real and I got my act together, my teeth are so sensitive, and I checked with her she said my teeth are so clean, gums fine but it’s just hormones as to why they’re sensitive. - My nose would be blocked all the time. This is a hormonal thing, but I would snore like a wild animal. - Piles, they happen they are real, they hurt my pride more than anything, and there absolutely was a whole day spent crying that I have gum disease and I should just go and live under a bridge. Post pregnancy my hair is so brittle, my hips still hurt, I’m still pissing myself, the piles genuinely have their own heartbeat and have multiplied. my sleeping is all over the place, but so is my mind, my mental health isn’t great, I will be doing a separate blog on that by the end Of the week.

4 month post party’s body

 

So I was 4 months post partum last week and I might say I’ve been really lucky to have lost weight quickly, but I was very careful all throughout my pregnancy, I kept active until the day I gave birth, but only because of my eating disorder it was the only way I could stay mentally in control. I put on about a stone, Oscar was 7 lb 13, and I didn’t have much water. I had a slight diatisis recti which was 4 fingers wide when I gave birth and is still about 1 finger wide so I am slightly wider at the rib area than before, my body isn’t slightly more curvy that before but I think my hips are ever so slightly wider but I think this makes me look smaller because I actually have a waist now. I never got stretch marks but I wouldn’t of minded if I did, but the really bad itchiness was driving me insane towards the end so to cool it down I was putting stretch mark cream on even if I woke up in the night for a wee. My skin is looser on my stomach than before but I really don’t mind it’s ever so slight. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was doing a little wee every time I laughed coughed or moved, and I must say I’m not great at doing pelvic floor exercises, but it does still happen occasionally, but it’s a lot better, I was very very small down there so I’m not surprised after I birthed his big head, I tore from front to back.. ouch... and sometimes even now my scar is so sore and really flares up I’m not too sure why. I pushed really early on when they told me not to hit the feeling to push was intense which is probably why I’ve got a couple of piles it’s gross but it’s life! I’m sure many mums can relate! Also while we’re talking about this region, my pelvis has improved since I had spd when pregnant but it still gives me lots of pain, pain that I thought would disappear! This swiftly brings me on to my boobs, or as I now like to refer to them, empty teabags, I didn’t breastfeed what so ever, but i honestly think they are smaller than before, the skin is slightly creped, but if I’m honest, I much prefer them, after the milk comes in oh my god, hats off to breast feeding mums because those fuckers hurt! I couldn’t wait for them to deflate and I’m honestly so much happier with them. Another part of my body I want to touch in is my mind, and sort of, my stomach, my eating has been so much better, it’s given me a whole new perspective, my diet is pretty much the same as before, when I was pregnant and before that, healthy and balanced, the only meat I eat is chicken still, but i honestly feel like what my body created, I don’t want to starve and deprive it anymore, I just wish I had this point of view when I was pregnant, but I think now I think if I can carry an actual human, loads of water and a massive placenta and only put on just a stone, is eating a Lindt bunny everyonce in a blue moon going to make me look like jabba the hut over night? Probably not. It’s taken me a long time to feel this way and not feel Guilty, and I may relapse, but for now, I’m proud of myself.


How I’m honestly finding motherhood

 Hi everyone it’s been a while! Again! I try and blog once a week but it’s been at least 2, life’s finally falling back into normality, and I’ve had a lot of stress lately but it’s starting to ease off. Alex has a week off this week and I have my family around for Easter, I don’t know about anyone else but when you’re on maternity leave you become so excited for someone to be off just for some adult company. Over the weekend my poor little Oscar has been teething and it’s honestly breaking my heart, can’t these fucking teeth just break through! I thought it was the 4 month sleep regression I’m terrified of because he sort of spent all night just crying a little in his sleep, but today he’s been in agony and I have cried a few times, I feel helpless, he’s not the first and he’s not the last to teethe but its just so sad. I wanted to come on here and honestly talk about motherhood, everyone’s different obviously, and if just one person can relate to my views so they don’t feel at all bad about how they feel then I will feel so good about that. So here we go... When Oscar was born I didn’t cry, not one tear, I was honestly completely relieved I wasn’t pregnant anymore, I hated it so much, having my eating disorder really really had a negative effect on my pregnancy, I wasn’t counting down the days to meet my baby, I was counting down the days to just get back to myself. I always knew that would be the way I would react to pregnancy, and I actually thought I could never do this again, because I was so down and depressed I didn’t want people to see me, one day when I was meeting my friends for lunch my car broke down, and I couldn’t make it and honestly the relief they wouldn’t see me like a big fat whale wearing the same clothes constantly was overwhelming. I was disappointed and felt guilty but i was dreading them seeing me. I felt guilty when Oscar was born and I didn’t cry, obviously it was bloody painful and to have that over was a relief, that night I was so in love with him, but when o got home, I realised I am someone that really relies on sleep for my mental health, I struggled to badly, maybe I had some sort of post natal depression, but mine and Alex’s relationship suffered at first, I was so angry all the time that I was tired, and he would offer to help but I would still hear Oscar crying as he had silent reflux and we didn’t realise, he really suffered with constipation at first so would scream with that, I wanted Alex to help but would never let him as I felt like he was working and I wasn’t it was my job and I would feel guilty for him to help. Because all this was going on and he cried at the same time each day about 5.30 when I was knackered, and I’ve really suffered with blocked ears and ear infections over the years that my ear drums are really scarred and Oscars crying would really distress me as it would physically hurt my ears I know this sounds silly! And all this I really worried as I didn’t feel this overwhelming feeling of love for him, I loved him but it wasn’t overwhelming, I would get angry with him for crying I wouldn’t shout at him but I would be so angry on the inside because I was so over tired. I never wanted to see anyone with Oscar incase he cried and people would think I was handling him wrong or they were crying because of him, me and my mum had a full on argument because I said why does he cry with people it’s embarrassing and I was so anxious, my mum stuck up for Oscar obviously. Oscar is really getting in a routine now and really reacting and smiling and he’s honestly a lovely little boy, and now the love has really hit me, he’s almost four months and I would say the last one and a half to two months I’m so so obsessed with him, I’m so upset I’m 4 months into my maternity leave and I will have to leave him, my whole outlook has changed, if he cries in public I’m like so what he’s a baby, I’m so much more confident and me and Alex have really strengthened our relationship, don’t get me wrong we have bad days, last Saturday everything was good and well, we went into Nando’s and Oscar threw up everywhere two boys actually moved away, we laugh now but it wasn’t funny at the time.

Skincare facts you should know

Hi everyone I haven’t blogged in a couple of weeks it’s been completely hectic, I’m planning on doing a life update, I’m never sure if anyone actually ever reads my blog posts and I kind of pretend people don’t, and that I’m just randomly babbling on about crap in my head, I just figure it’s a place for me to rant, it’s my escape and even if one person reads this and it makes them feel better then I’ve done my job! But I’ve got a lot going on as to why I haven’t blogged and it’s mainly because I’ve been pretty lazy really it doesn’t take that long to blog! But anyway I digress.... So i was thinking today on my daily walk, my skin isn’t amazing don’t get me wrong there’s a few things I cannot correct easily but there’s a couple of things I’ve learnt over my 8 years in the industry that really make a lot of sense and have definitely been where I’ve gone wrong in the past before I had any experience. 1. If your skin is oily and blemished it might actually just be dehydrated, when your skin is dehydrated it basically over produces oil to keep it hydrated, this means that the pores become blocked because the oil has no where to go and this can create blackheads and whiteheads, blackheads are basically where the white head has become oxygenated and turns black and hard instead. So do not use anything to strip your oil away as this will make the situation worse. 2. Some lines on your skin are actually dehydration lines not wrinkles, if you pinch the skin on your face and there are horizontal lines then you are dehydrated, you can help this with masks, moisturisers and drinking lots of water, but if you do not tend to this issue these will become deep set wrinkles. 3. Fruit acids are an amazing exfoliator, most of the time we associate exfoliating with a rough substance that’s also grainy, but a great exfoliator is fruit acids, they work as little pac men for the skin, and eat away at the dead skin, these also help to even skin tone and help with scarring. This is known as glycolic acid. 4. Hyaluronic acid is the holy grail, what I’ve always been taught is it holds a thousand times its weight in water, so it helps to plump the skin giving it a healthy look and helps plump out wrinkles, That woman from desperate housewives mentions it on that advert and says Hy A La Ron Ic Ac ID really annoyingly . 5. This may sound silly but you really do need a day cream for day and night cream for night, I know it sounds pretty obvious but I always used to think well I’ll just wear a day cream why do I need both. But you really do need the two. Day cream helps to protect your skin from free radicals (bad stuff), pollution and sun, night cream spends all night repairing your skin from the exposure to everything it’s had in the day time and really helps to moisturise and recover it over night. By all means this does not mean I follow this all the time or practise what I preach, I get lazy like everyone but if I notice my skin is looking pretty crap I know what to do, also lots and lots of water, I will do a skin mapping blog too so you can discover why you’re getting spots judging by where they are, but if you have had a heavy night drinking or just drinking more than usual you’ll get a nice big spot between your brows, trust me I know I’ve got one right now.

screen time

Hi all me here, wewriting from my laptop with a massive gin, it t feels alot more professional that blogging off my phone and i can actually proof  read my  blogs now, still doesnt mean there will be less spelling mistakes, i always used to get so bored reading through essays at school and i would always get them back basically telling me to concentrate some more,never did .

 

any way, theres an issue really bothering ly no idea about, until i read it on hannah f gales instagram, she mentioned aboutscreen time, so i checked mine, and mate i was absolkutely shockedm i couldnt belibe it. 6 whole hours a day. seriously, 6. i didnt think it was that much, it got me thinking about all thbe times Oscar has looked up at me, and all he saw was the back of my phone, not me, and it really upset me, i then thought i really need to do something about this, it got me thinking about why i cant just leave my phone, and its all to do with my anxiety, i thought about how i can never leave it just incasem its as if im always checking it to see if anyone is saying anything about me, or if anyone needed me urgently, if im not with it its \ll i think about r i pick it up and look at it without realising , its a real need to be with it at all times, i watched a youtube video that spoke about phone addiction, and it said if you have ever had to pick your phone up with your feet, you have a phone addiction, and i thought jesus christ i did that yesterday because oscar was laying on me!

 

so needless to say im starting to make changed in to stopping this addiction, but it will take some time, all this weekk ive cut my time down by an hour, which is an improvemnt ive put some time on my  phone where it locs itself and i cant look at it, ive made this the time i would usually get ready between 8 and 9 and this has really helped, and ive put a screen limit on social media for 3 hours, i have noticed alot of my screen time is youtube, as i put this ponfor music ect, but it really needs to stop.

 

ill keep you posted.


Honest review of the Silvercross Wayfarer

Hi everyone! so i thought i would write an honest review of the Silvercross Wayfarer, oscar is 10 weeks old so i would say ive had a good go at using it to give an honest review.

 

I was lucky enough to have the pram bought for me by my parents, but as they see us and use the pram all the time they agree with everything i have to say, so im not being rude or ungrateful!

 

We got the pram in black, i belive its called onyx, we got the 3 way travel system, so its the pram, pushchair and you can attatch the carseat to the pram too, it cost around £800, we also got the isofix car attachment for the car set as i have a 3 door and i  honestly couldnt recommend it enough, you attach it to the isofix in your car, most cars have them, and you literally slot the car seat on top and its so quick and easy especially if you have a small car.

 

the pram attatchment that they lay in until they are 6 months is memory foam and so comfy, he absolutely loves it, he loves sleeping in there, the hood has a uv reflection attachment, which is great for keeping the sun off their faces, overall i absolutley love it and so does he, its also quite light and easily detatchable.

 

The car seat he doesnt love but i dont think its anything to do with the carseat its self he just hates being strapped in it but he falls asleep quickly and comfortably in it, hes just a drama queen, this is also memory foam, the only thing is when he was tiny it didnt come with a head support so his head did move around a little bit, it just needed a little cushion around his head to support it. The straps extend easily, but it is quite heavy before hes even in it, so it can be quite an effort carrying him to the car with everything else and it slots really easily to the frame, but as its heavy you really need two people to detatch it from the frame one to press the buttons, one to lift. 

 

The pushchair i havent used yet but the straps have 3 settings so they can go further up the seat the bigger they get, ive sat him on it and he looked comfortable, but he shouldnt need this until 5/6 months, but this is also padded and detatches easily.

 

The frame itself folds down easy, the cup holder is a bit redundant as it moves round when something is in it so you couldnt put a drink in it, unfortunately you cant move the pram section up, which means when this is on its really hard to fit anything in the basket as its so low, the handle moves up and the leather handle and silver hardwear makes it look lovely, also once the wheels hit the smallest of stones or anything the pram gets stuck or on a lowered curb which can be annoying but it is very smooth, its a very big pram so its a squeeze to fit in my suzuki swift, it was even tight to fit everything in a qashqui we looked at.

 

overall i think its worth the money for comfort and style its just little niggles that are annoying for the money. 

How I’m accepting myself

Hey everyone, so im going to get abit deep this week, well sort of, since having oscar ive really changed my outlook on everything, to be the best example i can for him, as much as im loving being with him, its made me have more time to think, how i dont know because im just constantly on the go, but its made me want to strive for more and not to settle, i want to be an absolute girl boss that he can watch and look up to, it also got me thinking, i look at this perfect little darling, and i think how much it would break my heart for him to grow up and say ”mum i hate my hair” or “mum i hate how i look” because to me he is perfect, i know this is inevitable, but it got me thinking how my mum must of felt when i was starving myself, or looking absolutely ridiculous with the most awful hair extentions because i wanted long sexy hair like all the other girls, news flash, it might of been long but it was not sexy. 

 

Recently ive sent myself on my own littlw journey of discovery, on how to accept what i have, and looking after what ive been given, but FYI i do not see myself hanging up the tanning mitt anytime soon, maybe one day but not just yet, one day at a time lads, baby steps.

 

Anyway, ive kind of been abit inspired by Rochelle humes, who recently wrote a book about accepting your hair, because her daughter said she hated her own curly hair, to which rochelle realised how can she make her daughter accept her own hair when for years shes straightened and changed her own. so ive decided to give myself some tlc, instead of covering up my nails that have always been absused with acrylics and gels because i thought my own were shit, im trying to nurse them back to health, see my previous blog post for my nail care routine.

 

since i was pregnant and the dentist saying i was very much at risk of gum disease ive really upped my dental health routine, which i thought a quick brush was adequat and i would use teeth whitnening kits until they were so senstive, i use sensodine tooth paste, a water pik water flosser, and some anti gingivitis mouth wash and my oral b whitening electric toothbrush and honestly i couldnt tell you how much healthier they look. 

 

my hair is being looked after with body shop coconut hair oil, my same shampoo and conditioner as always, phytoclear for my scalp of course and a deep conditioner and laying off heat  and having regular trims.

 

facial care is cleansing toning and moisturising with lots of hydrating masks, my fave being garnier mositure bomb, and my favourite serum is SBC collagen hydrating serum, your skin starts to loose elasticity after the age of 25 so at 26 nearly 27 im getting on it.

 

im also excercising and walking lots, and lots of water, ive changed my outlook, not for weightloss but for health, for my son.

 

All links will be added to my instagram.


My beauty must haves for a busy mum

Hi all! It’s me again. I don’t know what is happening with Oscars sleep but from 3.30 he wants to party the last 4 nights which is not very warmly welcomed by me, I personally think it’s a mixture of me bragging he was going through the night at 5 and half weeks and also because he’s been abit poorly, he had a bad tummy which was not nice for either of us with a couple of projectile vomits added in with a little tooth coming through for good measure, he’s been abit in the wars and with a temp too, but he’s a lot better in himself, but I think that’s messed his sleep up slightly , he eventually goes back to sleep but I think like me and many other mums, I have less tolerance for this behaviour in the very very early hours of the morning. That being said I’m till getting about 7 hours but I can literally hear a pin drop in the night I just can’t sleep deeply anymore. And is it just me or is anyone else not a napper, I can’t nap! All this sleep when they do isnt working for me.

 

Anywho, since I’ve given birth to this bundle of gorgeousness, my beauty routine has had to be super quick, none of this doing my nails for hours it’s just not going to work, so these are my quick must haves and tips.

 

1. I love tan and I’m not giving it up for anyone so I use st Moritz it’s an instant colour and for me not much transfer colour. I usually pop it on at night it takes me about 5 minutes I use dark, and I do pop it on my face too it just makes you look abit healthier in the mornings if you don’t have time for makeup.

 

2. A bb cream has helped me loads anyone that suits you will do I use Guinot hydra finish but because I was given it for free at work but I’ve used loads and they all do pretty much the same, this just helps hydrate your face and even your skin tone if you don’t have time for makeup and want to look abit More awake.

 

3. I dont have time for the upkeep of gels anymore and my nails are shocking after the many years of abusing them with acrylics, I keep them neat and very short so I don’t scratch Oscar as his skin is sensitive like mine, I have a little mani kit in my room and when he’s in bed I give them a quick file, put the cuticles back and clip them so they look neat and fresh I do this once  week because my cuticles are so dry, and I’m absolutely awful at applying cuticle oil but if you do apply some and depending on your cuticles ect you might be able to get away with this every 2 weeks. this only takes me about 5 minutes but I am a trained beauty therapist, but it keeps me feeling put together.

 

4. After my mini mani I apply some pink to envy OPI lawyer on my nails, I apply it once to twice a week but really what you should do is apply it every day for a week remove it and start again but I’m so forgetful, this lasts about no a week for me and keeps them shiny it dries fast and gives them a nice tint.

 

5. Lip balm is my go to, especially on no makeup days just a nice shine and abit of moisture makes those lips look so much better.

Top 5 baby must haves I couldn’t of lived without

We are 7 weeks in everyone! It’s been a rollercoaster and it’s getting easier, every new day is a new milestone for him and me, getting out the house earlier than the day before, getting more smiles from Oscar it’s all getting abit nicer, not saying I don’t loose my shit because I absolutely still do, but it got me thinking about the baby items I honestly couldn’t of survived without, that is is slightly extreme I could of survived, but my life would of been abit shit.

 

1. The tomee tippee prep machine- good god, what an amazing invention, it takes 2 minutes to get the perfect temperature bottle, so easy to use, especially for a very impatient screaming baby at 3 am, amazing in the very early days when you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.

 

2. Formula dispenser- literally costs a couple of pounds, but so handy when you’re out and about, I prep it the night before and shove it in the baby bag so all I have to do is sterilise the bottles in the morning, it

covers me for 3 feeds when I’m out.

 

3. Chicco next to me cot- I’ve got it in grey, matches my room lovely, isn’t an eyesore, well made, the side comes down which was great for the very early days so I could hit his hand and soothe him without taking him out of his bed, now we’re getting in more of a routine and he has a few more months in our bed but I’ve put the side up in a bid to try and detach him from me, and eventually move the cot further from my bed until he eventually is ready for his own room and he’s coping really well, the only thing I would say is the mattress is very hard which he did used to roll around abit, and looked uncomfortable, it does need to be hard however for their bone development, but my mum did buy him a breathable mattress topper that is made for this cot and it’s slightly more padded, he’s much for comfortable and they can stay in it for up to 6 months. 

 

Muslins- I have loads dotted around the house, so cheap and wash up well the best ones aren’t from Aldi, oscars had reflux and is quite sicky, and they look nice to chuck over your shoulder and dry really quickly after being washed.

 

sleeping bags- I’ve got 2 in rotation as oscars nappy’s keep leaking, so annoying, but I got one from mother care the myleen klass range needs one from John Lewis I was bought, honestly so worth it, he’s such a wriggler and it helps to keep him still. I tuck the end under him slightly as it’s abit long, the health visitor said she wasn’t keen on them as they can wriggle into them, but if you make sure it fits, fold the end under them and place them at the bottom of their cot, it’s the safest way, I would say get one with a side zip that undoes all the way around as you can then change their nappy in the night without taking the whole bloody thing off. 

Post natal mental health

Oscar is 5 weeks old tomorrow I can’t belive it, I would say it’s gone quick, but it’s kind of hasn’t, he’s sleeping well but my mum always said once you have children you never sleep as deeply because your listening out for them, and I think that’s so true, every noise I hear and I say to my boyfriend Oscar was so loud last night, he always says, was he? I know he’s a man and they block this stuff out! Anyway I’m rambling, but what I’m getting at is I think the lack of sleep can really play on you mentally, you have less tolerance and patience. This doesn’t mean he isn’t a good boy because he really is, he only wakes up once in the night, he feeds really quickly, only about 15-20 minutes so I’m back to bed quickly, but oscars had tummy trouble and reflux and when they’re in pain I’ve just cried in frustration, especially when they just want their mum, last night I had a tummy bug and I’m still not feeling great today, my boyfriend kindly said he would take him, but I already partly awake and that was it i could just hear him crying, and it’s so mentally fraustrating.

 

I  think when you have a baby all you are told is you will feel overwhelming love, but sometimes I struggle, I always love him of course, but when you’re so used to working and chatting and having a purpose (I know I have a purpose now) but every day was different and now every day is pretty much the same, I like to get out the house on time and I’m so used to just me leaving and making plans, I know it will get easier and he is getting a routine but it’s hard when I want to leave and he’s hungry or he’s done a poo, or I have to collapse the whole pram and cram it in the car, everything just takes longer and it makes you feel a bit of a failure when you can’t get out the house on time. 

 

Its all getting easier if you would of asked me two weeks ago I would of said it’s pretty bloody hard, but we are getting there. I’m not one to be trapped in the house so I’ve struggled with that, but it a process I’m getting used to.

 

The first 3 weeks of motherhood

I’ve been trying to write this when he was two weeks but I never got the chance! So let’s talk about motherhood, obviously everyone is different this is just my experience so far.

 

So first and formost I’m loving it, and the love you feel for your child is beyond anything I’ve ever felt I could literally just squeeze him and kiss his little face off, but it’s bloody hard, all the things you say, I won’t  do this I wont do that they go out the window, I try and stick to what I said before, but this tiny little human controls your life like a mini hitler. 

 

The broken sleep is hard, I’ve never known 3-4 hours to go so quick, the day feeds and crying I can handle but everything feels more heightened and emotional in the middle of the night, when he messes around with his bottle or won’t feed or won’t burp, I’ve 100% cried a few times, probably saying the words please just sleep Oscar please. But then we’ve had very good nights like last night. He only woke once then woke at 6. Dreamy. 

 

Hes had had tummy trouble so I’ve changed his milk to comfort milk, but now he won’t stop pooing so it’s hard to know what to do. He has about an hour a day where he cries non stop, which I’m not sure is to do with his tummy, or maybe a bit of colic. It’s frustrating because you don’t know what is wrong or what to do to help him. But he rarely cries unless he’s starving and sleeps over his feed about longer, but stick a bottle in his mouth and he’s fine, but Alex says we’re really lucky with him that when he cries we aren’t used to it, some babies cry all the time so we’re pretty lucky.

 

he usually likes to play and be really alert when I’m cooking dinner and trying to eat it.

 

He feeds about 3-4 ounces every 3-4 hours, but the day goes pretty quick and you have to plan your life around the next feed and pack the bag for bottles for the whole day if you’re going out.

 

i can already see Oscar wants to smile, he’s a funny little thing, he hates bath time and hates being changed, washed or nappy changes, he’s a typical dirty boy he likes to sit in his own poo, so when I change him he gets very annoyed. 

 

But literally love him so much, this post I wanted more about motherhood but the next post I will concentrate more on mental health after baby. 

 

 

 

Labour and the first two weeks of motherhood

So ive been away for a little while, I’ve been rather busy, from my Instagram you would of seen I’ve had my baby, I’m smitten, along with the rest of the family, labour was painful as you expect, but it’s weird once your in it that’s it, there’s obviously no going back at this point. 

 

My labour was pretty straight forward as labours go, I didn’t even know I was in labour at first, I had bad spd towards the end and when my labour started I was getting awful stomach and back ache like I needed a fart, then the pelvic pain was bloody awful, so I went into labour about 11 pm on the Sunday night, about 12 am I was on the floor stretching my leg and doing my pelvic excercises, it’s funny to look back on it now, I was sleeping on a bean bag as I didn’t want to wake Alex up, and I didn’t want my waters to break on the sofa I’m still paying for.

 

At 3am I noticed that the pains were less of an ache and more into waves at this point, waves of pain, I started to time them for an hour, they were lasting 1 minute and they were 3 minutes apart, so I called the hospital, they told me not to come in and have a shower or a bath and go on my birthing ball, so I waited until 4.30 am and told Alex at this point I was in labour as I was letting him sleep as there was nothing he could do, he had no idea, the last thing he knew was i thought I had trapped wind. I woke him up and told him and he jumped out of bed, I said don’t call my mum there’s nothing she can do yet I’m having a shower, he ran downstairs at 5 am and secretly called her, she turned up at 5.30, at this point contractions we’re getting worse.

 

i was on my upstairs landing on my ball in so much pain, at 7 am my mum said she would call the hospital, they told me to have some paracetamol and wait at home as it can take a while with your first one, my contractions were about 2 minutes apart and last a minute and a half. My mum called again an hour later as I couldn’t cope anymore, they said as I was still talking then I probably wasn’t close yet and they might send me home but to come in if I wanted. We got to the hospital about 8.30 am.

 

when we got there they had closed a ward due to short staff, that’s was the ward with the birthing pool, but people were actually giving birth on the other ward, but luckily there was a spare room, they checked how dialated I was and I was 5 cm. so I did really well to stay at home, luckily I could stay in this room as the delivery suites were full.

 

My contractions were coming quicker and stronger. But there wasn’t any way I could push yet, I had some pethedine to relax me and have a sleep for an hour, it wore off then I had some more, an hour after the second lot I was in so much pain, and I had the urge to push. My waters still hadnt broken at this point. But my midwife said don’t push, it’s like trying to not to poo when youre about to shit yourself, impossible. In the end she  told me to push, so I did..

 

the rest was a bit of a blur. I was on gas and air with then driest mouth ever , I was pushing for 1 hour 15. I tore 4 times , second degree. And had 12 stitches and an uninvited finger up my bum hole. It was very traumatic.

 

i then fainted in the shower through loss of blood, dragged out the shower naked and put into  wheelchair.

 

it was amazing but so surreal.

 

all that happened on no sleep, and then your on a ward on your own with your baby, weak, and you don’t really know what your doing, you’re then 2 nights with no sleep deep before you get home to broken nights sleep.

 

 I will do an update on mother hood in the next couple of days.

 

The stitches have healed so I’m almost back to normal. 


When labour is lurking

So I’m 38 weeks and 2 days, I’m 2 days into maternity leave and already at a loose end twidling my thumbs, so blogging will probably become more frequent until he arrives.

 

It all seems to of got a bit real and think it’s because pregnancy is so long, you feel like you don’t have to even think about labour for so long, I’ve been really laid back about it and chilled, my mentality is what goes up must come down. 

 

So so now I’m on maternity leave I feel like it could be any day now and shits got very very real, I’m trying to stay calm and everyone’s said breathe the baby out, easy for them to say, but I can genuinely say since Saturday I’ve genuinely become terrified, the midwife said it’s normal but only to be slightly scared but who wouldn’t be scared of pushing a watermelon out of a small hole. 

 

Im still working out, slower than usual but I’m still walking about 20 minutes a day and about 30 minutes of hiit, I’m starting to feel very tired but I’m carrying on resting when I can and when I feel like I have to, but I’m feeling pretty good all things considered, I’m running out of clothes but my stomach is rock hard, it’s just all baby, I’m measuring 5 weeks smaller than I should, but the extra scans show he’s absolutely fine and could quite possibly be about an 8 pounder! Dear god! But by the end of the pregnancy I would of gained about a stone and a half, so I haven’t put on any extra weight it’s just water, baby, blood, placenta and all that other stuff, so it shouldn’t take me too long to get back to normal, I hope, it’s been bloody bloody hard and even though I’ve gained weight which is not fat, it’s still horrible to see the numbers on the scales go up.

 

But birth story is pending, so I’m sure I will fill you all in! 

 

 

 

What no one tells you about the last stages of pregnancy

So I’m officially full term today , 37 weeks, it’s all getting a bit real, the last few weeks 

are getting more challenging and there’s a few things I’ve learnt that no one told me.

~morning sickness can come back! A few weeks ago I started to feel sick mainly if I’m hungry and you get past that hungry stage , it’s abit will I be sick will I not but usually it passes , until the other day when it didn’t. Sick out of no where , gross! Completely normal according to the midwife, people that usually suffer at the beginning may suffer at the end, due to another surge of hormones.

~ if you sneeze there’s a very large chance you may wee, I’ve been doing my pelvic floor, but as your body gets ready for labour you have another surge of relaxin In your pelvic area, just cross ya legs and hope for the best sweetie.

~shit gets real around this time and reality hits you will actually have to push something the size of a watermelon out of a very small hole, and you don’t have much preparation by anyone, unless you do hypnobirthing, my midwife has told me nothing about how you actually give birth, it’s just as if your body is meant to do it, off ya go. 

~you’re basically pregnant for 10 months not 9, and it feels like a hundred years. 

 

See you on the other side sisters 

Hitting the nail on the head

Already going to appologise that this blog post is pretty similar to the last one, as you may of gathered from the last blog post I’ve been feeling pretty meh, which is the only way  to describe it.

 

Today I came to the realisation of what the bloody hell im actually feeling, I suffer with anxiety anyway and it’s all stemmed from childhood and eating disorders, I haven’t hid that being pregnant has been really tough on me as I decided to stop my anxiety medication by my own choice as I didn’t want unnecessary pills floating around my body when there’s a baby in there too, but my anxiety had been worse than ever before, but I couldn’t describe it to anyone, until today I watched Louise pentlands video, which I thought would be a new vlog which I look forward to every week, but in fact it wasn’t actually a bloody eye opening experience, she spoke about anxiety from childhood which I could relate to but not from the same circumstances, but how she’s just feels that her mind feels full, and I thought shit, that’s exactly how my mind feels , she’s got a young baby and how everyone’s tells her to slow down and relax which is what I’m constantly getting told at the moment, slow down, relax before the baby comes, but she said the exact same, if she has the afternoon free it’s what can I clean I can do this I can sort this room out blah blah blah, which is exactly me! 

 

It got me thinking why I feel like this, I always have this anxious worry I’m not a nice person I’m moany, I never do anything right, which cascades into why don’t I see this person anymore do they not like me, oh and this person I used to do treatments on where did they go do they not like me, till I get a sicky feeling waking up in the middle of the night in sweats panicking, so I guess keeping my mind going keeps me off what other nasty negative thoughts I could be thinking and I’m just absolutely exhausted, and I know it’s not true, I even tell myself come on you know it’s  not true, and another part of my brain says yeah I know it’s not but lets tell her this shit anyway. 

 

I’m working till 38 weeks just for the simple reason I can’t be sitting around with my own thoughts, my midwife told me for my health and now I have spd I need to stop work or at least take a week but I can’t, money worries, letting people down, people thinking I’m lazy, I will be so out of control, but you smile and say yes ok I’ll think about it but knowing I can’t possibly and I can’t tell her why, she’ll think I’m mental my baby will get taken away. 

 

This mind is bloody exhausting. And not many people understand, they just tell me to stop worrying, okay Brenda I will now you’ve told me to thanks hun.

 

Pregnancy and anxiety

so I’ve been feeling pretty crap lately, I’m 32 weeks and struggling, I struggle with anxiety anyway as most of you will know, but since I’ve been pregnant it’s been worse than ever, working with the public never helps, you can never please them and it’s a constant panic of have I done that right, will they complain, meanwhile I’m trying to work out how I’m going to live on maternity pay and trying not to piss myself every time I sneeze, this all sounds abit first world problems I can totally understand if no one can relate.

 

I had my first panic attack in the middle of the night last Saturday, not only was I exhausted with being in hospital till the early hours on the Friday because my child wasn’t moving, seriously already scaring me from the womb, but I missed work on the Saturday as I wasnt feeling great, my first ever sick day, feeling like I’d let people down and I was feeling so exhausted I literally did nothing but think, will people talk about me when I’m not there, how am I going to pay for a house and a baby when I’m not getting a full wage , what will I do all day?, with all that swishing around my head I woke up to a massive panic attack, feeling like someone very heavy was sitting on chest, I felt completely sick, feeling every emotion whilst feeling numb at the same time, to add to it all, all I kept thinking about was my little baby in my tummy and kept thinking I hope he doesn’t feel like how I’m feeling right now.

 

This all got me thinking after I’d calmed down, I know doctors and nurses and midwives can’t do it all, and we are so lucky for the care we receive for free, but when I first fell pregnant I explained to my midwife I’d always wanted to be a mum, but I’d always feared I couldn’t then take my anxiety medication while pregnant, ive had bullimia and I was very concerned about how I would feel about my body changing beyond my control , to which she didn’t seem too bothered but sent me to a consultant, never told me she was referring me until I got a letter through the door, with no explanation as to why I was being referred, when I got to the appointment they were only concerned about my mum having pre eclampsia with me, when I returned to my midwife she said that isn’t why she actually sent me, but oh well, and that was that, I just feel with a little more help I could of enjoyed my pregnancy more as I haven’t really, which makes me feel like I’ve failed, I feel like it would potentially stop me having anymore, it’s been a struggle emotionally and physically.

 

i would like to research into eating disorder charity’s to see if there is any help out there , watch this space. 

What I’m packing in my hospital bag

so I’m 31 weeks, they say to pack your bag at 34 weeks, my bags not officially packed, but I’ve been buying stuff as I go.

its getting bloody scary now I must say, I need to have a good sort out of absolutely everything before the bag is closed and ready to go. 

When you first get pregnant you feel like you’re never actually going to give birth, 9 months is so long, but now we’re on a 9 i

 

week countdown shit is real. I said to my mum ages ago I’ve got so long before they say to pack your hospital bag, and now it’s only 3 weeks until the unofficial cut off date.

 

I’ve never done this before, and it’s been a while since anyone I really know has, I haven’t done my birthing plan yet, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want a water birth, but ive heard from people the pool has been free and they’ve hopped in as a form of pain relief, just saying before you read my list thus far and think say what she’s having a water birth, you know as much as me at this point, don’t be alarmed that I’ve packed a bikini, I just don’t want my udders hanging out if I do go in the pool.

 

the list is as follows

-breast pads

-big thick sanitary towels 

-disposable maternity knickers (slightly concerned how “grateful” I’m going to be of disposable knickers and huge sanitary towels)

-a hat for the baby and a going home outfit and a baby grow

- a pair of pyjamas for me for when I have visitors I got some new ones so I feel clean 

-2 night dresses 1 possibly to give birth in

-slipper socks, my feet get freezing

-flip flops to shower in and walk around 

-Some big granny knickers, only black aand

dark colours  

-need nursing bras

- a mini shower gel shampoo and conditioner 

-I will take my makeup bag 

- a darkly coloured towel 

-nappies

Shits getting extremely real now so

please any suggestions are welcome! 

 



3 things people never told me about pregnancy

As I’m writing this I’m 21 weeks today, officially over half way, I was prepared for a few of the pregnancy side effects, the most common being sickness and heartburn which is now starting, but there’s a few things I was never told.

 

1. SALIVA

 

WELL, I can honestly say I’ve never experienced excess salvia like it, I dribble in the night, I can’t  lean over with my mouth open, I spit and dribble when I talk, and when I mention it not many people know what the hell im talking about, but it’s actually a thing, I did some research, it’s called ptyalism, or sialorreah, it means you’re either producing more salvia or swallowing less, it’s to do with hormonal changes , nausea or heartburn, and it’s bloody horrible.

 

2. NIGHT SWEATS 

 

They we’re so bad at the beginning my boyfriend actually asked if I’d wet myself the bed was soaked, obviously it’s been so hot of late but this was back in April before I even found out I was pregnant it was so early on, and it went on every night for about 2 months, even my forearms and thighs were wet, I mean really? It’s all to do with hormones and the fact we’re carrying double our normal amount of blood, I’ve been hotter than usual even in this heat and I’m never one to sweat, but it’s been so so vile.

 

3. UDDERS

 I’m sorry for any family members reading this but you don’t have normal boobs anymore, you develop udders, my friend joked once about her cow udders and I thought she was joking, but she wasn’t, it’s very true, I thought they would get bigger but this is another level, maybe it means I’ll be a natural at breast feeding I have no idea, but I swear my nipples are 10 inches long. 

 

Youre welcome. 

So I haven’t written on here for a little while But my views on here have gone crazy, so I thought it’s time to get back into it and blog especially now I have a lot more to write about now.

 

i have a lot to fill you all in on, and I can’t wait to blog about all of it! 

 

One of them being im 20 weeks pregnant, tomorrows the day I find out what I’m having but I’ll be keeping that a secret from everyone that isn’t family, I’m sure there will be lots of blogs about my new house, my baby in my tummy and how my pregnancy has gone so far, but to start I wanted to talk about one subject that I’ve felt since being pregnant isn’t ever really spoken about and it feels quite taboo.

ive spoken about this before that I used to suffer with bulimia and body dismorphia and for me it’s something I don’t think will ever go away, it’s something that’s always a niggle in my head whether I’m the thinnest I’ve been or not, I’ve receive help but I do believe that once you’ve had a condition like this it can always be easily triggered, I always knew that deep down it would be a struggle with my body once I got pregnant, and I was definitely right.

Its so hard to talk about, as people always shut you off and say oh pregnancy’s a beautiful thing, which I do not dispute it isn’t, because it really is, it’s crazy, but when you eat well and excercise and do everything you kind of used to do, but yet you go to do your jeans up to find , nope, no way hun they ain’t doing up, for someone with a eating disorder it is genuinely heartbreaking, but there isn’t anything anyone can say to make you feel better, I’ve spoken to my midwife and told her that I’m the early stages the being sick with no control was another trigger for me, but I haven’t received much help.

 

Its something people don’t understand because it’s so natural, getting bigger is just what happens, to be completely honest you can barely see I’m pregnant still, my belly is more of a little pot, like I’ve eaten a big meal , and to most it’s not big, but to me I feel like a whale, I am still get anyway with not telling anyone I’m pregnant, but I am genuinely starting to feel mum guilt already, like I’m trying to hide my belly, but it isn’t that at all, I can’t accept the way my body’s changing, not everyday anyway. Some days I’m totally fine but others I wake up dreading looking in the mirror and getting dressed, no matter how many times you tell yourself it’s not fat it’s a baby.

 

i tell myself everyday to eat for the baby to be active for the baby, and also being completely honest with people, such as my mum so she can track how I’m being, I’m also having my nan attend the midwife appointments, I’ve tried to be open and honest so people can look out for my wellbeing.

 

If anyone else has struggled like this I would love to know.. 

Where I’ve been.

So much has happened since I last blogged and I’ve been super lazy and just tried to take time for myself to chill and relax, even if that means I haven’t been the most sociable.

last summer I got engaged and think shortly after that I gave up on blogging, so much was happening, I got promoted at work and continued to save so hard to buy a house, we haven’t even thought about planning a wedding, but I have been asked about a million times when the big day is, I’ve just made up a date, when anyone asks I just say “October 2019”, complete lie. The truth is house saving is what has completely taken over our lives. But we are here finally! We’ve found the house and are going through the house buying bore as we speak, very proud of us though!

im still very much in to fitness, Ive had a bit of relapse with the whole eating disorder situation after I gained a couple of pounds, I know it’s stupid but when you’re working out more than ever it’s disheartening, but I have gone from a 27 inch waist to a 24 and I’m looking a lot leaner, it’s just telling my brain I’m smaller which is the hardest part. 

I got a new job, which I was totally not looking for, like all jobs I wasn’t always happy and sometimes would look, but when I stopped looking a job came to me, much closer to home and I can also walk, so it’s helped so much with my driving anxiety.

I went to Venice, in february for my dads 50th we went to his favourite place for a family trip it was the best time ever but bloody freezing!

My nan was really poorly, at Christmas we both had the flu hat was going around, it was awful but unfortunately she didn’t get better as quickly as I did, she was called into the hospital with sepsis, luckily just in time. It made our family become even closer and so grateful to have her.

so this year my blog will be filled with the fact I’m turning 26 and I’m also buying a house,

i think this is adulting, and I don’t like it...

 

Primark cosmetics review

Hi everyone just a quick blog post review on a couple of primark makeup bits I picked up, I bought the primer water and setting spray both at £2 each, I've been using them for about 2 week now to give an honest review. After 3 days use my skin became really dry and I used a moisture bomb mask from garnier and neroli night balm from decleor that evening and I was back to normal, so I'm blaming it on my tea tree wipes From Superdrug.

what I really thought: 

i loved both the products and I think they worked so well together. I work in a busy hot spay and I'm usually so shiny by the end of the day as I have no time to re powder, after using these products my nose was slightly shiny but nothing to what it usually is, I get a lot hotter at work than I do any other time so really needed something else to help me and I think I've found it, I blot my nose once at the end of the day (about 5 pm I apply my makeup at 8 am) and it looked so perfect still.

hightly recommend 

xxxx

July favourites so far

So we're just over half way through July and I've got some absolute faves that I'm loving right now,

1. Gin and tonic! Ohhh my god I'm obsessed, I went on holiday at the end Of June and I was introduced to it then, and I've been drunk many times on it since.

2. Stripes- I'm really into stripes there is something simple yet stylish about them which I love.

3. Simple makeup and a red lip- at work I've been really into a nice dewy face and a bright red lip, my fave lip colour right now is mac- relentlessly red.

4. Simple jewellery, all I've been wearing at the moment is just a silver Y pendant, it's been too hot for fussy jewellery and chokers.

5. Flowy tops and dresses, I've been loving loose and Bardot dresses and tops, they're cooling in the warm weather but a hint of shoulder keeps it sassy.

6. Thick natural brows, I've always filled my brows in with a brown eyeshadow as I've been scared of pencil since I used to have sperm brows, but now ive got the technique to draw alongside the hairs and it looks so much more natural and thicker.

7. Vaseline, I've been popping it on my lips and lashes to help them grow and nails to keep them hydrated as i get the driest cuticles.

8. Coconut oil as always, no change there.

9. Palmers moisturiser, since I've got back from holiday I haven't stopped moisturising, nobody likes peeling.

10. A foot file or pumis stone, we have to avoid those dry feet Huns.

xxxxx

The mum tag

1. What was I like as a child?

funny, caring and always sensible

2. What do you think of me writing a blog?

proud, it's all real and true to you 

3. What is something funny I did when I was younger?

riverdance on the coffee table until the coffee table collapsed 

4. Have you learned anything from me makeup/ beauty wise?

Everthing! You are my guru! 

5. What's a weird habit of mine? 

Laughing inappropriately 

6. If you had to rename me what would you call me?

when I was younger I always wanted to name my daughter after the popular girls at school, either Bonnie or Vanessa 

What would I order if we went out for dinner? 

Halloumi!! Oh or anything goats cheese, you're like a woman possessed!

7. Whats something I do that annoys you? 

Cant think of anything- honestly! 

8. What's something I obsess over?  

Making sure you have no facial hair, and anything that you've read that is meant to be a miracle, how to stop mouldy teeth, aging, spots and stuff like that.

9. Where do you see me in 10 years?

You work so hard, so hopefully in your dream job, and with a little one of course! 

10. When were you most proud of me?

when you passed your driving, because it took you so bloody long

11. What's the worst thing ive ever done? 

When you were little, you used to go behind the sofa, pick your nose and throw the bogies in the bin

12. What's your best memory of us? 

 

Garnier moisture bomb mask review

so this is the second time I've written this as the first time it didn't save and I'm currently writing this holding back tears, so bloody frustrating.

so 1. How to use

apply to a freshly cleansed dry face

remove from packet and remove the folded mask

unfold carefully as it is a tissue mask so it is fragile

it will have a thin blue plastic sheet on one side so carefully remove this and apply that side to your face 

pat it down and leave for 15 minutes

once the 15 minutes are up remove 

massage excess into face

remove the rest with a cotton pad and dry

add moisturiser 

2. What I really thought

i must say I absolutely loved it, and working with skincare it takes a lot to impress me

my skin felt hydrated, fresh, plumped and glowy.

my skin felt so dehydrated after being in the sun on holiday and the horrible recycled air on the plane, and I suffer with dry and sensitive skin and it didn't irritate it at all, and I visibly noticed a difference in the dry patches on my face, I suffer with dryness around my nose which is connected to bad circulation, and I do actually suffer with the circulatory disease reynauds.

the only thing I must say that I didn't like about the mask is how wet it was, I imagined it would be wet to a certain extent but it was actually dripping down my neck once I applied it to my face, which made it slightly cold and uncomfortable a tissue first, but that was my only issue.

3. Why keeping your face hydrated Is so important:

so a lot of people think their skin is dry when it is actually dehydrated, obviously drinking lots of water will help, but keeping your face hydrated is the main thing, to test if your skin is dehydrated pinch your skin on your jaw/cheeks and if you notice horizontal lines your skin is dehydrated.

Dehydration lines will eventually turn into wrinkles.

just going to leave that with you

xxxxx

 

Holiday essentials

Hiya! So this is my first blog post in absolutely forever, I was slacking slightly then I got completely and utterly shit with it, I've been promoted at work to senior beauty therapist and I'm absolutely loving it, but it's a lot of learning and responsibility, my manager was leaving to go on maternity leave, the same time I was going on holiday (which is now!), so I was cramming in all the learning ect while she was still around so I can really get stuck in to it when I get back, I will be having a full office day too so hopefully it will all be abit less crazy when I get home, and I really want to get back into blogging as I bloody love it. 

So im abit of a panicker when it comes to holidays as the last couple of years I've only gone for about 5 nights, which is the same as this time so I just take a carry on case, but the liquids restriction kills me!!! At home I literally have my own version of space nk going on so it's hard to whittle it down without my skin getting out of control.

my packing essentials this year are:

-beach towel. I got the cutest one for £5 in asda as featured on my insta.

-reading material. I always pick up some magazines from the airport as I love reading absolute crap, and I barely get time to my self at home so I try to bring a book, this year I've brought We we're on a break by Lindsay Kelly, I've read all her we heart books and I'm obsessed.

-coconut oil!!!!!!! I'm a slave to it, I'm using it to remove my makeup, pop it on my hair to protect it while sunbathing, moisturising, oil pulling to keep my mouth healthy its amazing I love it, I decanted some into a 100 ml travel bottle as it melts down in this heat.

-aroma lisse spf 15 cream. This decleor cream is amazing and travel size, it has spf 15 and Is also anti aging for 25-40 year olds and it helps to plump dehydration lines which eventually turn into wrinkles and nobody wants that do they.

- keeping all your tips the same neckline to avoid weird tanning lines, so just the same neckline on vest tops ect.

- buying your suncream at the airport will save you a fortune as buying it abroad is so expensive as they know you need it, you will need a mortgage to buy some no joke.

-my skin always gets these little clogged up bumps on holiday and they aren't spots they're under the skin, and a friend of mine recommended the tea tree exfoliating pads from Superdrug and I buy them every year and my skin is as clear as day, so thanks huns.

- a hat! My scalp always burns and it hurts like a mofo 

xxxxx

Life update

So I'm absolutely rubbish aren't I, I know. Life's been pretty hectic and I've just been abit swept up in it and I kind of lost my blogging mojo, i haven't really had time to chat about things or think about topics. But I'm just going to give you a little update, and really really try and get my shit together.

so I've had a promotion at work, I'm now a senior therapist, I was in talks for it to happen in a couple of months, so I really tried to push myself harder at work and I was offered it earlier so that was a lovely surprise! 

My anxiety hasn't been great which is bloody annoying, i think I was tricking myself into thinking I was so much better but it turns out I was pushing myself a little too much, but that's ok I'm going to carry on.

workout wise, as the weather has been so nice I'm trying to take my workouts outside and really getting into running, I'm hoping to aim towards a race for life next year or a midnight walk, I walked 8 miles with my mum the other day and ran 5 the other week so I'm getting somewhere! I really find working out at home more motivating than at the gym, I find the gym really judgemental but that's probably the anxiety talking?

fashion wise, I feel like I'm on my friggin A game! I'm really starting to find my style and I've done this by really stripping it back, less is more, timeless peices are really my staple, like shirts and little dainty necklaces ect.

My best friend bought me a little diary to keep all my ideas in so watch this space! 

 

 Xxxx

Charcoal teeth whitening review

Happy Sunday! Unfortunately I'm working today but I'm now on my lunch break, so thought I would quickly write my review of the charcoal teeth Whitening powder I've been using.

Ive been using the charcoal and coconut powder teeth whitening for about a month now, maybe even two, so I thought I can now give me honest opinion, and that is, i don't love it.

i dip a wet tooth brush into it first and brush for 2 minutes, rinse then brush with normal toothpaste, and then mouthwash.  I feel like it's not overly grainy but I think it is quite abrasive, because of This I feel like its quite polishing, which makes them feel cleaner and probably makes them look cleaner giving the illusion of whiter teeth, I also feel like when brushing your teeth, of course they go totally black, so I think that once this is removed it makes teeth appear more white compared to how black they were before hand. I don't regret my purchase as it was only about four pounds, but I do worry It might not do much good as it may be slightly abrasive. So overal I actually prefer the teeth Whitnening Colgate strips and I will sticking to those in the future, I just feel like this is all abit of a fad probably helped with reality stars being paid to advertise it, let's face it they get their teeth done professionally! 

Xx

My current favourite makeup look (high end and drug store)

 Guess who's back, back again!

Hello .... it's me!

ok I'm cringing myself the fuck out right now.

so I'm just going to quickly run through my current face that's super quick and easy, honestly takes me 10 minutes tops!

step one- apply 3 drops to 3 fingers the neroli baume from decleor, let it sink in, then apply the hydra floral light cream on top... let it sink it.

two- I wear Estée Lauder double wear in the shade wheat and apply with a real techniques beauty blender.

three- I apply either double wear concealer in the shade light medium cool, or the collection 2000 lasting perfection concealer in the shade fair.

four- I use a real teqniques brush and apply the Jane iredale loose powder in the shade bisque.

five- apply the techniques setting powder ( translucent) under the eye area and down the nose with a damp beauty blender and let it set for 5 minutes before wiping off, I usually get on with the rest of my makeup and then do this when I'm done.

six- I fill in my brows and do my eye makeup all with the naked smoky pallete.

i fill my brows in with the colour whiskey with a small angled brush and then brush them out with a spooly so they look bushy.

i take the colour thirteen and apply all over my lid all the way up to under my eyebrow.

i cover the whole lid with the colour high, then I apply dirty sweet to the crease, and blend radar out from the inner corner. 

I then apply my kiko gold glitter colour sphere to the middle of my lid and blend.

Seven- I curl my lashes then apply a few coats of Avon true colour wide awake mascara.

Eight- I contour with bronzer and I use the MUA makeup academy bronzer in shade 2 I apply to just under the cheek bone my temples and chin, I then apply the technic get gorgeous highlighter in bronze.

nine- I finish with the Estée Lauder lipstick in the colour "Rose Tea". 

Organisation

 So I've been feeling pretty shit lately, my anxietys been playing havoc which takes a toll on my eating unfortunately, I've the years I've helped to not control it, but help to keep things so I don't. Loose myself completely causing me to spiral even more. 

1. Keeping a diary-

i keep a diary so I know where I'm going Day to day, even though I know where I'm going, but I feel so much more at ease when I can see things visually so I can see timings and see where I am from day to day, hour to hour.

2. Food prepping-

I try to food prep every working day, so that I know what I'm eating the next day at work, this helps me so that I can I control what I'm eating so I don't over eat then feel guilty, or under eat so I then feel poorly.

3. Water-

I Carry a water bottle with me wherever I am, and I fill it up once I've drunk it so that I can keep sipping throughout the day, this helps keep my hunger at bay and being hydrated helps me keep calm.

4. Excersising-

I try to take 30 minutes a day to excersise as This helps control my anxiety, and also helps me feeling less guilty, I do about 45 mins to an hour excersising at the gym 2-3 times a week then the other days I do 30 minutes a day, I excersise about 5 times a week.

5. Not leaving anything until the last minute-

I panic very easily, mostly feeling like I'm running out of time or feeling like I'm running out of things I rely on day to day, if I'm half way through things such as my anxiety medication or my pill I try to go to the doctors and get some more so I don't have that panic when I go to get some and I have none, also I'm really bad at getting petrol so if I see I'm on quarter of a tank I get some more while I'm out instead instead of making an excuse, so I don't run out then realise when I'm in a rush causing more panic, I also always end up being at least 10 minutes late so I tell myself to leave 10 minutes before I have to, so I end up leaving on time.

 

Quick and healthy recipes

So it's been a little while since I posted.... again! But I've been really throwing myself into work at the moment and feel like I'm really enjoying it again, I think everyone gets that little lull after Christmas ect but I'm back! And I'm really starting to take some time out for me, actually say no to things, relax and really look after myself, inside and out, I've 2 bloody baths this month ( I shower every single day but I never have the time for a bath).

So ive really started to notice the diffference in my body and i actually went to the beach today and turned down chips, simply because eating too much crap makes me feel totally shit, and I did have a 3 course meal on Friday at prezzo, all healthy until the 3rd course, sticky toffee pudding with ice cream, I mean I couldn't turn it down.

I thought I would share just a few easy snacks and recipes that I've picked up, I loose interest quite quickly so I like things that are quick, easy and tasty.

1. Overnight oats

frozen berries and Greek or natural yogurt and oats.

take a small bowl and layer berries first then oats then yougurt and continue until the bowl is full and you finish with just yogurt on top, add a bit of honey on top, cover and pop in the fridge over night and it's ready to eat in the morning!

2. Banana pancakes

mash a banana and add two eggs and cinnamon if you like, mix all together, add to a preheated frying pan, melt some coconut oil, add the mix, the mix should make 2 pancakes, cook until golden, microwave some frozen berries or use fresh fruit.

plate up the pancakes, add Greek or natural yogurt, honey and the fruit.

3 avocado and poached or scrambelled eggs.

toast one piece of brown, wholewheat or seeded bread, lightly butter, crush half an avocado, add 1 or 2 poached eggs, add pepper or crushed chillis to taste or you could do scrambled instead of poached eggs instead.

5. Feta and cous cous salad

pop some cous cous into a bowl add boiling water until it soaks up the water and expands, add feta cheese, tomatos, rocket, beetroot, cucumber edamame beans or sugar snap peas, salt and pepper to taste, balsamic glaze could be added for dressing.

6. Quinoa and wholeweat rice stir fry

pop a packet of uncle bens quinoa and wholeweat rice in the microwave rice, stir fry in fry light spray or coconut oil broccoli, onions, edamame, peas, sugarsnap pease, peppers and add a light sprinkling of soy sauce.

7. Goats cheese or feta pitta

take a whole wheat pitta, crumble inside goats cheese or feta, add red onion or caramelised onion, rocket and olives if wanted, pop in a toastie maker or in a toastie toaster bag.

8. Wrap tortillas and dip.

take a wholeweat tortilla wrap, cut wrap into tortilla sized triangles, pop on a baking tray, cook at 180 degrees until golden brown and crispy,  crush a avocado add chilli if wanted, salt pepper and a dash of olive oil for dipping, the second dip chop tomatoes, onions finely, add garlic, salt, pepper, olive oil and chillis for a salsa dip.

9. Porridge

take a cup of oats, add to a microwaveable bowl, add water until oats are covered, cook for 2 minutes in microwave, stir in a dash of milk and a small teaspoon of coconut oil to make creamy, add fresh berries or frozen berries ( defrosted obviously) and add honey to taste.

10. Stuffed peppers

cut the top off 2 peppers, and de seed, stuff with cous cous and add goats cheese, feta or spat cheese on top, cook for about 15 to 20 minutes on 180 degrees.

xxxx 

Inspirations

 So I haven't written a blog post in over a week, I've been in a funny old mood and I've been a bit of a Debbie downer, I absolutely love blogging but I've had about 3 people I know start blogs in the last week, people I know that read my blog, and as lovely and flattering as that can be, sometimes it can be bloody annoying to have that bit of extra competition, but it's ok I've taken a few days to spend time with my loved ones and really try and take the time to think about the direction I want my life and career to go in. I work in the beauty industry and I've decided to throw myself into work abit more and go onto a few more courses, and I'm really going To throw myself into my blog abit more too.

Sometimes I feel that no one reads this blog or I will never be able to make this a part of my career and that can really make me feel abit shit, but If I was to make this a part of my career then great, but why not use this as a platform to show some of my knowledgeable beauty skills off and help other people that may not have the confidence go to a salon or the money.

I also may only be very near 25 years old but I have a few health problems that I'm quite knowledgeable on and I have a few life experiences under my belt, and I'm one for googling and reading blogs as I'm not confident enough to talk about things.

It kind of sounds abit pot kettle black when I moan about people starting blogs, as I have some influences that I have seen that have made me want to start this blog, but they all are very very different and bring different things to the table, which is what I feel I could do, so I'm really going push myself and post at least 2 blog posts a week about what I really believe in.

My Inspirations in the YouTube/ blog world.

Grace Victory- 

Grace is a London based self employed blogger and YouTuber, I'm bloody obsessed with her, she doesn't give a flying fuck about being what society wants she is who she is, she talks about things that no one else would dare to, but things that need to be answered, she's a powerful woman who's career is sky rocketing, shes battelling demons that I can relate to, as I struggle with an eating disorder and depression linked to things that have happened in my life, I just bloody love her and want to be her friend, that is all.

Gabriella Lindley- Gabbie is a YouTuber from Sheffield who lives in London, she's honest and open about who she is and I've watched her for a good couple of years probably since she has not long started youtube, her fashion sense is amazing And her flat is absolute goals, her heart is huge and I love watching her friendships and how she loves and cares and takes her friends under her wing, and I can relate to her anxiety and eating disorders which I struggle with and I am also on medication for, I see a lot of myself in her and how she really really wants to do things but her anxiety won't  let her, which happens to me daily, and I just wish I could give her a massive great hug, I can only hope her anxiety improves and that her career flourishes even more because she's so talented.

Patricia Bright- Patricia is a total boss mum, she does it all, she's someone I find inspirational for how she's built her own career from the bottom right to the top and now she's juggling a husband, baby and being full time self employed of her YouTube Chanel and her hair extensions business as well as being the face of L'Oréal and other brands as an ambassador, her beauty and fashion sense are impeccable and she's genuinely kind hearted and hilarious. 

Xx

 

Eczema and psoriasis- products hits and misses

 I hope everyone is enjoying the lovely weather, and I would like to say a massive thankyou so everyone that has taken the time to read my blog, I'm so grateful.

This post is going to be about something a little bit personal to me, I have suffered with eczema and psoriasis for years, and unfortunately its hereditary, as I seem to of inherited all the crap things, such as ridiculous amounts of dark thick body hair and heavy agonising periods, and this is no different, my nan has always suffered from psoriasis for as long as I can remember, mainly on her scalp and this is something I suffer with too, we often have times When we suffer the most.

Eczema and psoriasis may not be life threatening diseases but they are big causes of depression and sometimes in serious cases, suicide. I haven't ever been driven to dark thoughts because of it thankfully, but I have heard of people that have. It's highly embarrassing and I have lived for years with people saying oh there's something in your hair, or just staring whilst I'm painting their nails, or trying to really scratch my scalp without people thinking I've got nits! 

Over the years Ive worked out what's good for me and what's not, I use a lot of oils and products at work, that go all the way up to my elbow most days and I have had spots of eczema on my arms and people act like you have some sort of disease or ask outright, is that eczema? Whilst pointing. Bugger off! 

The scalp is where I suffer the most, and I sometimes suffer with hay fever related psoriasis which effects my eyes leaving me like the elephant man.

to tackle the hayfever eyes I use hayfever eye drops to keep the itchyness away and hayfever tablets, I was told by the doctor to take tablets mid January to build immunity from pollen.

Products that work for me are, decleor rose balm for sensitive skin and neroli oil for dehydatrated skin, bio oil is great for hydration, palmers cocobutter, coconut oil is great for the Face as a moisturiser, the scalp and a hair mask and to remove makeup if cleansers are drying out your face, I've recently found the L'Oréal phytoclear range, I'm yet to use the oil, but the scrub once a week and the shampoo is amazing and really clearing my scalp I couldn't recommend it more! 

My misses are the more medicated shampoos, alphosyl, head and shoulders, teatree and coaltar I find irritate my scalp more, a hairdresser told me that medicated shampoos remove all flakes in one go leaving the scalp dry causing it to crack and flake more, so keeping the scalp hydrated isn't the best thing for me.

i always feel the winter months the worst going from cold weather which causes the scalp to shrink then into heated houses causing the scalp to crack and flake.

Its a battle and it's bloody boring so if I can help at least one person with the same problem as me my job js done! 

Xx

 

Transitioning into Spring

It's so sunny and warm outside and I'm so bloody excited, we've already been to asda and bought BBQ food and we are fully jumping on the BBQ bandwagon in April, no fucks given.

As we live in jolly old England we are used to the fact now that these sunny days and very few and far between, so we have to grab them with both hands and fully make the most of the weather when they actually appear.

i have a few tips of what I do to make sure I'm always prepared for any nice days.

1. When buying clothes, I try to look for what I can dress in all weathers, obviously jumpers and sandals and shorts are designed for certain types of weather, but the basics such as slouchy dresses, tshirts, such as my outfit pictures, I wear this dress when it's chilly with a mac coat, boat shoes and some tights, and the denim jacket can be worn with a hoodie and tshirt or a roll neck or high neck jumper or sweater.

2. Moisturising is key, the cold weather can really take a toll on our skin, I fake tan with st moritz, and I exfoliate inbetween to stop the crocodile skin effect, but I do love the palmers 24 hour moisturiser gradual tan so you have that lovely glow!

3. Getting your feet sandal ready, pedicures are amazing to get rid of that winter dryness and prepare for sandals, with a nice lick of paint on the tootsies.

4. BB cream is amazing for the summer months, I usually use Estée Lauder double wear but when it's hot sometimes thick foundation can make the skin look cakey, BB cream is a great way to have the skin looking glowy and healthy and not clog your pores.

5. My top tips for buying spring/ summer clothes, I try to buy the odd spring summer clothes and accessories in January a its a great time to se the new trends and get the best things before people actually need them and you can't find them in the shops anywhere. 

Xxxx

Fitness update

 So it's been about a month since I wrote about my recent leap into fitness, and I'm finally starting to see abit of definition, I must admit I'm starting to get really obsessed with it and I feel amazing after a workout, I'm drinking the same amount of water which is about 2-3 liters and day and I'm still really thirsty! So I might need to up my intake even more, I've noticed that I don't bloat as much after a cheat meal I'm not sure if this is because my body can burn it off quicker now I'm not sure.

As I wasn't big before I don't really have a goal of how I want to be, but as I see the difference In my body all I know is that I want  to keep going! And I want a bigger bum!

what I'm really struggling with at the moment is protein, I'm needing abit of advice in protein I'm a vegetarian now so I don't really get much protein in my meals, well probably not enough so I may need to invest in some protein bars or powder for after the gym.

I lost a Stone in 6 months but through stress, and I know I don't need to loose weight, I just wanted a toned healthier looking body, I know I have a long way to go to improve my muscle gain but I really am seeing a difference.

when I had been to the gym beforehand I thought it was all about cardio, and i was going through a tough time with my bulimia, and I thought the best way to be was super skinny, but that's not healthy.

ive recently realised how much more attractive healthy is to super skinny and I'm starting to see my clothes fit differently and  I'm feeling so much more fit and healthy.

However  I'm really loosing interest in my meals I find that I'm just cooking the same thing, veggies, veggie burgers, salads, so I really need some more inspiration for vegetarian meals that include protein! 

 

Skincare over makeup

 Now just before I start, don't get me wrong I love a full face! I bloody love makeup and this does not mean I will ever stop buying it, now I will continue...

so basically since I've worked in a spa, and I have been working with a brand such as decleor I've really come to the realisation that skincare Is my priority over makeup. My skin is basically an advert for where I work, and as I'm getting older I've really started to not like the feeling of caking my face day in and day out, it feels thick, dehydrated and claustrophobic. 

In the last year and a half since I've been in my job I've really focused on my skin, and really taken the time and effort to get it looking glowing, don't get me wrong we all get the odd breakout, but you have to workout what really makes your skin tick, mine is hydration, the more water I drink and oils and balms I put on my skin the more hydrated and fresh I look, I've been using Estée Lauder double wear for years and I've always felt like it just masks all my sins, and don't get my wrong it is the most amazing full coverage foundation, but I've worked out what I'm masking and really focused on it.

Drinking 2-4 litres of water has done my skin wonders and I really notice when I've been slacking in the water department.

cleansing is a massive part of my skincare and I used to cleanse one, ewwwwwwww, but now I cleanse 2-3 times in the evening and I always cleanse in the morning, even though you haven't worn makeup think of all that sweat and sebum (oil) your skin has created through the night, gross. The best cleanser i use is the decleor 3 in 1 cleanser, and I adore my cleansing brush, I feel like it really uclogs all those nasty impurities.

hydration is key, creams and oils are amazing for my skin, I love the day and night cream from SBC, the new neroli amara oil is the absolute dream, it's proven to calm and help with anxiety which is always a plus, and helps protect skin from free radicals and pollution. Decleor night balms really give me that boost of hydration and i really feel that my skins looks so healthy and glowy the next morning, my favourite is ylang ylang, it purifies and helps to balance combination skin. Coconut oil overnight Is great too. 

Because I wear such thick foundation I do feel like the pores can get clogge, I love a good scrub, my favourite is the mattier gommer peeling exfoliator, it's a really lovely rough exfoliator which drys to which you can then rub/peel off which peels off all those dead skin too, so satisfying! My second fave is the decleor phytopeel which actually isn't abrasive, but it contains hylaronic acid which asks as your munch men that eat away at your dead skin, and then can be buffed off too, and can be used as a mask then once dry you just rub it off. 

Ive just really got into toning which I should of been doing all along but I've been lazy, toning helps to remove any excess dirt and oil, helps to hydrate and also balances the skins ph balance, it's important to blot after with a tissue to keep all that goodness in. 

Face masks, I love a face mask I live for them, hydra floral from decleor contains neroli and is super hydrating, clay and herb from decleor is great for combination skin good for men too! Aroma purette from decleor is what I'm using the most, at least twice a week, it balances ph and restores hydration. 

Sleeps great too! Any excuse for a lay in! 

 

 

 

Feeling under the weather

I've been quite poorly for the last couple of weeks, I had a bit of a cold that came then went again then came back with a vengeance, if you're anything like me I'm one of those people that no matter what medication I take nothing works and I just have to ride it out, as much as I know there are people out there a lot More poorly than I am I count myself lucky that I have just a cold, but sometimes having a cold can make you feel pretty shitty, and my colds always seem to turn into other things, like blocked ears, chest infections, my hormones go all over the place and cause weird things like my gel nails to peel off (first world problems), I suffer with eczema quite badly and all these things take abit of a toll, so whenever my illness has been and gone I feel like I've been hit by a bus, unfortunately my mum and brother suffer like this too, we look and feel like shit! 

So to keep myself from getting other illnesses while my immune system is low I do a few tips and tricks along the way, as I said I can never improve my illnesses when I'm poorly I always just have to let it run its course, but I try a few other things to stop it turning into something else.

1. Water and lots of it, keeping up with your water stops dehydration and helps with the clearness of your skin, I always find when I get a cold I loose my sense of taste and everything taste so rank and I really loose the taste for water, but you really must force yourself as it helps to flush out those nasty germs too, and also if you get abit sweaty when you have a cold like I do (vile) then you really need to replace that water. 

2. I really suffer with my ears and when I get all bunged up I notice my ears start to get blocked so popping a couple of drops of warm olive oil down your ears helps to keep the wax soft, and stops your ears from blocking. 

3. Usually colds turn into sinusitis for me, so I take sinus tablets, steam with olbas oil and use an olbas oil stick to keep my sinuses clear.

4. My skin gets really dry especially around my nose from all that nose blowing, I really really try and use balms on my face, decleor neroli balm is amazing for dehydration, bio oil and decleor prolagene gel are amazing, also just good old coconut oil!

5. Easing your throats and chest is a big one for me, as my job is customer facing, so lots of honey and lemon and bronchial cough medicine as no one can understand me when I talk like a man! Again, lots of water and herbal tea is great.

6. Last but not least, rest, if you can get it! If you're anything like me and work all day the bloody time, sissy you gotta take it when you can get it, but listen to your body, you can never get better if you don't let your body fully recover.

xx

 

Originality

 This week I really wanted to write about origniality, being a blogger is something I've wanted to do for quite some time, but I've seen so many people do it it seems like I'm a bit late to the party or jumping on the bandwagon abit, i felt abit awkward about writing things and I thought no one would want to read what I have to say, but I have had such a positive response, which is amazing!  It took me just over a year to actually set up a blog after talking about it for ages, I felt so so nervous, it felt like I would just be doing the same thing that everyone else does.

i love fashion but I'm definitely just a normal girl who loves clothes, I can't  take fancy pictures and I have an awful nervous and awkward laugh so taking all these bloggy fashion pics are literally out of the question, I love looking at them and I think they're amazing but the fact is it ain't guna happen!

i decided that I'm going to write about fashion in a different way, how I wear it on an everyday, how I buy things on a budget and bargain hunt, which is what I do. I'm a qualified beauty therapist so why not give some expertise. I live with anxiety and an eating disorder, there are millions of people a lot worse off than me but there are also people living with what I live with, so it's nice to know you aren't alone.

ive had such amazing Feedback from my blog and even though I feel like I have a long way to go as yet, I'm really starting to notice abit of continuity with the fellow bloggers that are liking and commenting on my posts, and it's making me feel pretty bloody good! I've started to return the favour and giving a compliment, because it makes you feel bloody amazing I must say! 

Night away essentials

 I've been struggling with interesting things to post about the last week or so, but I've gone away to Canterbury for the weekend so I thought I would share how I prepare.

Im a serial overpacker, but I am prepared for every eventuallity!

so I start with getting myself night away ready! Tan, gels, toenails painted, eyebrows waxed and tinted, moustache waxed and overnight hair mask, looking lush!

now I'm ready to start packing, I'm staying somewhere quite posh, but having a casual day shopping and a casual dinner and then a chill Sunday travelling back.

clothing-

day 1. Jeans, comfy boots, socks cosy grey jumper and camo coat.

evening- Bardot loose fit dress and medium height thigh high boots, smart and casual.

day 2- t shirt, same jeans, same coat different undies and socks obv! And a cap (non hair wash day)

essentials/cosmetics- 3 in 1 cleanser, razor, body wash, perfume, nude lippy, red lippy, deodorant, moisturiser and straighteners and a flannel and body puff! And phone charger 

all done!

 

How to stop gel nails "peeling off"

I've decided to answer a question as a beauty therapist I get asked all the time, people always say to me that when they do gels on themselves they peel off, and I must admit even myself as a therapist it is definitely a lot of practise makes perfect, a lot of people are buying gel kits for doing gels at home and who can blame them, especially like me if you get bored of colours quickly. I though I would give a quick list of dos and don'ts and a bit of a how to.

so to start with at home I use gellux which I think is an affordable gel and also professional but easy enough to use at home and lasts really well.

so to start you need a base coat, colour and a top coat. You also need a nail primer, preferably one made to use with the gel, and uv gel wipe solution to take away stickyness, in gellux this is called prep and wipe, and some lint papers to avoid fibres. And lastly a uv lamp with a 2 minute timer preferably.

so before I go on rambling, some of the reasons gels peel are..

1. Gel applied too thickly 

2. Oil left on nail plate

3. Not capped properly

4. Nails too short to cap

5. You might just actually have an oily nail plate, gels only last about a week, week and a half on me because I have an oily nail plate, even acrylics lift on me.

ok so, this is just going to be a quick run through so it doesn't get too confusing,

file and shape nail push back cuticles and clip if you want to, this helps give the nail fine surface area and less chance of the gel bleeding into cuticle,and buff the nail.

wipe the nail with prep and wipe with a lint wipe, and apply primer to the nail, and cap the nail with the primer.

apply a thin base coat and then place under lamp for 2 minutes.

apply a thin coat of colour and pop under lamp again, do this 2 to 3 times with colour, I think personally 3 thin coats lasts longer and gives an even colour. Make sure you are capping with every coat, if colour shrinks on every layer go back and cap one last time and place under lamp but only place colour on ends of nails, shake bottles of gel for at least a minute as this helps for colour to mix and stop shrinking.

apply top coat and make sure you cap, and place under lamp.

wipe with prep and wipe and a lint paper.

apply cuticle nail to the nuckle and work down do not place directly on cuticle as it may make gel lift, this is just to condition the cuticle. 

All done!! 

Working on my fitness

I've always like working out but I was stuck in a bit of a rut and this year I've really tried to push myself not just to loose weight but to be healthy on the inside too.

Ive recently joined the gym and I try really hard not to beat myself up if I don't go, when I do go to the gym I spend about an hour there, half cardio half weights.

on days I don't go to the gym I've been working out from home, I mainly do legs and arms and back workouts at the gym, so from home I try to do cardio fat burning workouts, toning workouts and workouts that concentrate on abs and bum I spend about 40 minutes at home doing workouts but this Varys on time.

i work out about 6 times a week and try to walk the dog about 2-3 times a week for about 10-20 mins. I do a very active job which usually contains about 3 hours of massage a day.

i try to drink about 3 litres of water along with fennel tea for digestion and I only drink 1-2 coffees a day.

When I do workouts from home I watch YouTube videos, I love the body coach hit workouts, I absolutely love Lucy Wyndham read workouts as I feel like they really target the areas women feel conscious about and really help us girls get curves in all the right places, I've also recently tried out a workout by Georgia Jones (thegeorgiaedit on Instagram) and oh my god! She made it look easy! I was sweating! It was amazing, really looking forward to more workouts by her, especially if I can end up with a body like her you will have to force clothes on me! 

Also i am quite strict with my diet because I absolutely love food, so I try and eat as healthy as I can so I don't need to deprive myself of the food I love. I am not a nutritionist or a trained fitness trainer this is just what works for me and I'm still learning.

 

 

How I'm saving to buy a house

I write a lot about beauty and fashion ect  (because I'm a beauty and fashion blogger) but I thought I would write about what is currently one of my main priorities right now. I thought i would write about it as I know a lot of people that would like to start saving for a house or who are saving for a house or who have currently bought a house.

Im not a financial advisor or a mortgage advisor by any means, but my saving is going pretty well, but it's bloody hard. A lot of the time it feels like you should just give up because it feels like you're never going to reach your target, but you will! 

These are just a few things me and my boyfriend do so we don't kill eachother and spend all our money on jeeps, ponys and designer bags. 

So we've been together 8 years, when we were together 6 years we didn't really ever feel the urge to actually want to buy a house, we didn't see the importance and we certainly didn't have the money, so we rented, we spent a lot of money renting which in a way I wish we didn't do but it was very helpful, we didn't live together previously so we discovered what it's like to live together and that I actually don't mind him, he can stay. But it is really hard running your own house, but it's a great learning curve, and it helps you manage your money and paying bills ect.

We lived together 2 years nearly and we were still saving, but we didn't love the house we were in, and wanted to move, it would of cost us easily a couple of thousand of our savings to move, so we decided we could double or even triple how much we save if we moved into my mum and dads for 18 months, and nicely enough they let us back! 

Moving into a rented property helped us realise what we wanted out of a house and what we didn't want and what we would look for when we eventually bought a house.

we try to save at least one of our wages a month as we worked out we can live comfortably on one wage.

we set a goal of what to save monthly and how long we want to save for, but this is not a strict goal, you have to accept that sometimes life gets in the way, unexpected bills, cars going wrong and some months are more expensive and social than others, but you can't be hard on yourself.

You still have to have a bit of a life and don't deprive yourself if you want something and still do coupley things otherwise that's when you get majorly pissed off with eachother! 

Treat yourself! Once the bills are paid and the money is saved treat yourself.

Go on holidays ect, obviously don't go overboard with the spending but sometimes working and not getting any benefit or escape from work and normal life can become really depressing making you want to blow your savings.

Remember that your savings are always there as a back up incase of emergencies, but those emergencies are not new clothes and bags, don't do it to yourself! 

 

SBC skincare review

 Last week I was kindly sent some products from SBC simply beautiful collection to review, I picked 3 of the skincare products to try and I've given them a try day and night for 5 days to see how my skin feels and if I see any difference.  

Ive noticed how noticibly clear my skin is, sometimes my skin really reacts to new products and can be quite sensitive, but I usually am quite lucky and have quite clear skin, but my skin has felt really clean which is what I always look for in skin care and really hydrated, I'm going to break down each product and my honest experience with each one and opinion.

All skins face polish- i usually love quite a harsher exfoliatior which this is not, but I really enjoy using it, it's a very gentle exfoliator but it also cleanses aswel, it's a really luxurious thick creamy texture and smells really fruity, I wear Estée Lauder double wear which is a really thick foundation and I have noticed around my t zone that it looks noticibly clear, it contains jojoba wax beads and herbal elderflower which helps to loosen and lift the impurities (blackheads), it also tones and firms (apply in circular motion). I have to admit I have loved using this and it also feels so nourishing in these winter months, it would be great for people that suffer with sensitive skin. 

3 in 1 cleanser- first impressions is it has a really lovely zesty smell, really fresh and clean, bonus is it's a day and night cleanser and can be used on the eye area too. The only downside I found is just a personal preference that I love a foaming cleanser, as I really feel like you can feel a foaming cleanser lift your makeup off and practically melt it away, this cleanser is to be applied to dry skin which I feel doesn't move around my skin so well and doesn't feel like it would remove my makeup, but in fact I'm really does remove all traces which i was really pleasantly surprised about, it's also really gentle which is good and can be removed with a warm cloth, it leaves my skin with a really fresh clean feeling and doesn't leave my skin feeling tight and dry and also really clear, it's lovely. 

Finally the vitamin ace day and night cream- this is quite a light cream, very creamy though as silly as that sounds and it also contains oxysomes (little beads) that contain brightening vitamin c and refining vitamin e which helps to firm the skin moisturise which is great for dull dry skin which is brilliant for this weather, the beads melt into the skin really easily and evenly, my skin can sometimes look really dull and dark around the eyes and some pigmentation from where I've waxed my lip over the years, and I feel like it's really evened out my skin tone and is really nourishing enough for me as a night cream and it's not too oily or greasy to apply makeup over, and as I wear quite a drying foundation I feel like it's continuing to moisturise even under my makeup and the makeup doesn't cling to any dry spots, I'm definitely going to continue using as it's so smoothing and nourishing. 

Overall I've really enjoyed using the products they are abit different to products I would usually go for, but they are really good quality and little really goes a long way so it's really good value for money in that respect.

lastly I would really like to thank SBC for sending me these products to try, and also Lianne from sbc for being really friendly, and for the really quick delivery, I look forward to trying more of their products in the future.

Benefits of drinking water

So I'm writing this post because I'm slacking on the old water drinking myself and I know better than that for gods sake! So as a rule I drink about 6 pints of water a day which is about 3 litres. I've been struggling lately as I've been so busy at work that I find it hard to fit in toilet breaks so be been slacking in the day and downing pints at night (of water, I'm not an alcoholic), but it's much much better for you to evenly spread out the water drinking through out the day. So here are a few tips of how to make water drinking easier and the benefits!

•water bottle- so I have a fruit infusing water bottle which I will get to in the next bullet point, but I've come across a few water bottles such as the hydrate m8 and a couple in new look that actually have the times of the day printed on them so you can spread it out and to encourage you to drink more water.

•Fruit infusing bottles- I've recently bought a fruit infusing water bottle and I'm actually quite lucky that I like the taste of water, but for people that don't these bottles are great, you can put all sorts of fruits like lemon ect to give the water a fruity taste, and these are also great for detoxing water, there are loads of ideas on Pinterest.

•Taking a water bottle with you- I always take a bottle of water with me in my bag for when I get thirsty when I'm out and about, this helps me to stay away from sugary and fizzy drinks.

•Training yourself- I used to really struggle to drink water up until about a year ago I only had about the minumum intake of water and before that even less, when you first start to drink lots of water you will be on the toilet constantly! But your body soon gets used to the intake and starts to crave that amount, I work In a physical job and I used to notice how thirsty and tired I was during the day and knew my body needed more water, upping the intake has really helped.

•Skin- I have noticed a considerable difference in my skin, when I drink lots of water I notice my skin becomes more glowy, when I'm a little more dehydrated my skin feels bumpy not visibly but to touch, and also dry, I occasionally get the odd spot but I've noticed when I've not drunk much water I get a spot  or 2 the next day.

• Energy- I'm usually a very tired person in the mornings and evenings but very awake in the day, but when I haven't drunken much water I really notice fatigue. 

•Weight loss- when I started to up my intake of water I noticed a slight weight loss, it helps to stop bloating and helps towards a flatter stomach as it helps rid of all the nasty toxins. 

•Healthy hair- water intake helps hair to grow quicker and stronger and healthier.

• Overall health- it helps to keep the body healthy overall the body is around 50-65% water, your body needs water to run smoothly, it also helps with female health and helps to keep water infections at bay. 

We need that H2o! Not like coyote ugle

 

Cleared wardrobe cleared mind

 So, one of my favourite things to do is clear out my wardrobe, whenever I'm feeling a bit rubbish in my clothes or in life I love shopping my wardrobe and reminding myself of what clothes I have hidden at the back of my wardrobe, clearing my clothes out really gives me a stress free feeling and feeling like I've lost a little bit of negativity (I know I sound like a weirdo!). 

I have a bit of a personal attachment to clothes so that sometimes means I keep them and wear them, like, ever! "Oh I wore that top To that party in 2012 when I danced to crazy in love like a badass bitch", no! No excuses.

Every couple of months or so I donate a bag of clothes, sometimes a big bag, sometimes smaller depending on how emotionally unattached I'm feeling that day, and I donate them to my local British heart foundation charity shop, or cancer research, every little helps.

these are my top tips for clearing out the unwanted garms!

1. Enlist help.

my mum is helpful but also one of those but you might need it one day people, my boyfriend is the best person, he's harsh almost to the point of "so you hate it that much you let me go out in it several times" but he does the trick.

2. Section out clothes.

i section out my clothes so I don't feel so overwhelmed that I'm getting rid of so much all in one go but I do it over a couple of days, so I do jeans and skirts and tops that are in drawers one day, then waredrobe clothes and shoes the next, I'm pathetic I know.

3. If you're really stuck with a bit of clothing and you aren't sure whether to keep it or not, try and remember the last time you wore it, if you can't remember then girl don't waste your time, as my nan says 

"if in doubt leave out"

4. If you feel shit in it, get rid.

if you've worn the item multiple times and you get to the end of the day and you look at yourself and say did I really look like that today? Don't do it to yourself ever again.

5. If it's irritating don't even think twice.

if it's itchy material or an itchy tag, if it always rides up or goes baggy, or its pair of trousers that literally have knee imprints in by the end of the day, it's annoying me just thinking about it and I can't possibly cope. 

Ps. For every 2 pieces of clothing you charity I think it's only morally right and good for the economy to replace with another item. 

Valentines outfit ideas

Dress- missguided, shoes- linzi shoes

Dress- warehouse, knee high boots- new look

Jumpsuit- river island, shoes- Melissa, belt- religion

Skirt- Zara, shoes- river island, top- primark, belt- religion

Dress- warehouse,

Skirt-warehouse shoes- linzi shoes belt-religion blouse- Melissa's boutique

Off shoulder dress- newlook,

Dress-warehouse shoes- linzi shoes

Cut out ChoKer blouse- boohoo, skinny ripped jeans-new look, sandal boots-linzi shoes

Blouse- Dorothy Perkins, ripped skinny jeans- new look, Barely there sandals- linzi

Pyjama cut out shoulder shirt- newlook, faux fur gilet- warehouse, black skinny jeggings- new look, sandalboots- linzi shoes

Valentines outfit inspiration- Leather jacket Zara, playsuit similar on Asos, sandal boots linzi shoes

Top tips for healthy hair

 So, about 8/9 years ago I cut all my hair off to a really really short bob, and I despised it, was one of those "oh I love it".... *goes home and cries*. To be honest my hair was so dead, and it really needed a good cut, but I was so desperate for it to grow that I left it and didn't cut it for a long while and would straighten the life out of the poor thing so it looked longer, not a good look.

flash forward to now and I have a head of hair nearly at my bum, I always get asked how i got my hair so long and healthy and if it's all my own, so here I am sharing my weekly and daily tips of how to keep a healthy Barnett.

before I go on acting like I'm lee Stafford, I am not, these are Pinterest tips or products I've come across that work for me!

1. I've recently just got out of the habit of washing my hair daily, and it's taken years! I used to wash my hair daily and must admit it's taken me a few weeks/ months not to feel totally gross on my no hair wash days, I suffer with psoriasis on my scalp and when it gets flaky i used to think washing it out would make the flakes disappear but really it was drying my scalp more, my hair used to be greasy at the end of everyday, but if you stick with it and train your hair to be washed every other day it really works! My hair is hardly greasy now.

2. Oiling my hair overnight 2 nights a week. I heat up some olive or coconut oil and apply it to my scalp as my scalp needs the nourishment, if you have greasy hair maybe avoid this, right through to the lengths, I really smother mine, and wash out the next day, did someone say #shiny?

3. I love a hair mask, the best hair mask I've found so far is the frizzease miraculous recovery, I came across this mask thanks to Youtuber Gabriella Lindley, I got it for about 4 or 5 pounds, leave on hair for 3-5 minutes, while your washing your body, exfoliating and shaving your legs and armpits is usually the perfect timing, I do this 2-3 times a week after the over night oil mask. Thank me later.

4. Skin hair and nail tablets have thickened my hair so much, it's really helped my baby hair to grow and my hair has gotten so thick, I've used them for about 4 months and I swear by them and have really noticed a difference, the longer my hair got the thinner it felt, and these have really helped, £2.50 for 30 tablets from ASDA.

5. Trimming- so I've always hated hair dressers due to bad past hair cuts, I'm mentally scarred for life, I've always just got my mum to trim the ends of my hair every 6-8 weeks, i purchased some hair dressing scissors from the whole salers which is totally necessary, blunt kitchen scissors will damage the ends and cause more split ends. 

6. Heat- I try not to use too much heat on my hair, I dry it every other day on a medium heat, I once heard that if you put ur hand near a hair dryer if it feels really really hot it will feel the same on your hair and will damage it, it may sound obvious, but I was like "wtf" I just felt like it was indestructable! I try not to use much heat on it, ie curlers and straightners, I must use them about once a week, I always use the VO5 heat protect spray which protects up to 230 degree heat.

7. I am loving the Camelo liquid keratin reconstruction spray, it's worked wonders, has cured my split ends and also helped with thickening my hair, I use it every day even on dry hair.

8. Alberto Balsaam smooth and sleek oil is perfect to smoothing and restoring hydration to the ends of the hair, and sealing the split ends, perfect for this harsh winter weather. 

9. I used to always use hair bands with metal plates that would really pull and break my hair, but I am now a convert of the spiral hair rings and they really do hold my hair in place and do not break the hair shaft! 

10. So. When my hair is covered in oil I do just pop it into a bun overnight, but I absolutely hate the broken bits of hair everyone gets at the back of their head, and I read that this is partly caused because of the hair at the back of your head rubbing on your pillow, since I read this a couple of months ago I've been popping my hair into a plait, and the annoying hair is starting to grow, finally. I have to keep my hair in one place when I sleep or it knots up, and honey no brush is getting through that! 

11. So 11 is an odd number and it's really really messing with my OCD, but one last thing, comb comb comb!!!!!!!!! No brushes please! Hold hair in place and comb that section to stop breakage. 

I am praying for a good hair year for us all, amen. 

 

 

The January spruce up

 January is always that downer month, it goes on forever, you're skint and it's bloody freezing outside. For me all the fun starts from February, lots of birthdays, partying and celebrations coming up, so to shake off the January blues these are just 10 simple tips and tricks I use to get myself party ready. 

 

1. Exfoliate! I love a tan like the best of them and I tan once a week, so I love to exfoliate so I work with a clean surface, it helps the tan apply More evenly, my favourite scrub is the decleor 1000 grain exfoliator I love a rough scrub and this really does the job, ensure to do this at least 24 hours before tanning to ensure the pores are closed, we don't want black dots in those pores do we! 

 

2. Body brush, body brush is a great way to exfoliate and also beat cellulite, always brush towards the heart as it helps get the blood flowing.

 

3. Cleansing that face!

like most ladies my age (I'm 24) I have comination skin, I don't suffer with breakouts too much (touch wood!) but it happens,

 

step 1- I cleanse with decleor 3 in 1 cleanser, apply all over the face, use warm water and apply to the face in circular motions, it helps to lift the dirt and makeup and the cleanser foams, then wipe away with a warm wash cloth. 

 

Step 2- I then use the reflet de purette deep cleanser and use in the same way as step 1.

 

step 3- I apply decleor phytopeel, I apply, let it dry then buff it off.

 

step 4- I apply the decleor aroma purette mask for combination skin and leave on for 10 mins.

 

step 5- I apply either decleor neroli balm if my skin is dehydrated, or decleor ylang ylang balm if I'm suffering from a breakout, or I use the Superdrug vitamin e over night mask or bio oil as my face scars so easily after a breakout! 

 

You can buy decleor face and body starter kits for around £20! 

 

4- Brows brows brows!! I wax and tint my brows myself, if you aren't 100% sure on the shape to go see a professional first to get the right shape you can maintain. You can also buy self tinting kits, but please patch test at least 48-24 hours before tinting, mix the tint with the developer and pop a blob either behind your ear or the inside of your elbow, any redness, itchyness or any funny business do not use!

 

5. Mani pedi! Either if it's winter there's no excuse, keep those fingers and toes in order, you can still see them! 

 

6. Moisturise, I love decleor system corps body moisturiser as it drip feeds the skin moisture for up to 8 hours or Johnsons baby oil just after a shower. 

 

7. Hydrate yo self, water is my best friend and I drink at least 6 pints a day, I've trained myself to drink this much, once you do this for a little while I promise you won't constantly need to be near a toilet.

 

8- Tan! I love a tan, it's slimming and makes you feel more healthy looking and confident, I use st moritz tanning mousse, I apply half an hour before going to bed and wash off in the morning. 

 

7. Lip balm, my favourite ever is the Superdrug vitamin e superbalm for nails and lips I also apply this to my lashes at night and they have grown and thickened considerably, but that's just me!

 

10. Last but not least.... 

Excersise! I swear by Lucy Wyndham Read 4 minute workouts, I love her, they are quick and I have noticed such a difference, I do 1-2 sometimes 3 4 minute workouts a day, they are suitable for any fitness level and you can make them as hard as you want them to be, you need Lucy in your life! 

Artificial acquaintances

 Ok so this post is a few days late, purely because of the fact I've been side tracked over Beyoncés pregnancy reveal, not even joking, she's having twins, I can't cope.

So recently I've been thinking about how I want to make this year the best yet, but in doing so I've reflected on the highs and lows of last year, last year I had some great times but also pretty crap times, some of the issues I have fixed others are on my priority list for this year.  

My main hold back in life is my anxiety and last year it reached an all time high, I had a lovely holiday last year some good nights out and nice memories, but in previous years I'd done a lot more, but it was almost as if I physically couldn't do anything at some points, some things I did have in my diary that unfortunately a dark cloud would cover me just as I was about to walk out the door, resulting in me cancelling last minute, which is not me, I always like to see things through. 

This year I'm really trying to push myself, making last minute plans which honestly scares the life out of me, and also booking trips, nights away, dinners with friends ect to give me something to look forward to and to help improve my anxiety. 

Last year I realised somethings that were holding me back and were really a negative in my life, I realised this by how certain people reacted to me, my best friends in particular, one of my best friends works full time and my other best friend works part time and also has a son, they both have commitments as do I, we love to see eachother but unfortunately at some points I could not commit to seeing them, they were nothing but understanding. This made me realise that their reaction was correct, and that some of the other people in my life would react incorrectly to me. My anxiety is caused by time, my whole life feels like a time limit, I'm always in a panic, must do this must do that to the point I can't do anything but sit and panic, which is why I hated to fill my diary.

I lost friends last year, but when it happened it felt like a long time coming, some friends are negative in your life, they come into your life when you are at a weak point and become leeches, they now know where your weak point is and use this to control you. With an anxiety sufferer they need to be encouraged to make new friends and go out and socialise (in my case anyway). In November last year I got a new job in a spa with a group of tight knit lovely girls, who helped me socialise and really care, this made me realise what a friend is supposed to be, and also looking at my 2 best friends who always have my best interests at heart, it made me realise some people in my life were past their sell by date and had to go. 

I made the realisation when I was talking to some of my work friends about a few of my other friends, how they didn't like me to go out with other friends even my 2 best friends, and would talk about my best friends in not a very nice manor, if I ever went out or a picture was posted I was questioned about who I was with or what I was doing, all of a sudden I realised, mate, my boyfriend doesn't even do that.

In working out the fake from the real friends you have to work out what you have to offer that benifits them, in my case I'm a nail technician, why pay £30 for nails when your mug of a friend can do them for free? I would receive texts like 'hi wanna meet up next week, catch up and nail session?", erm no Hun.

It may take you a while to realise who is negative and who isn't, it doesn't matter who tells you, you have to work it out for yourself. 

Kick that bitch to the kerb xxx